the start of something new

I still rem how jus and i used to plan and map our relationship out..

7/7/07 - we got attached
8/8/08 - we were meant to get engaged
9/9/09 - we would be married on this day

HAH. 8/8/08 went by with nothing at all, in fact he even picked a fight with me on that day. that month, he clubbed without me and studied for exams while i worked and worried for him. =/ *sigh* in september, he broke up with me via SMS (how tasteless and original)

well, all that is over now.. enough reminiscing. LMAO

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AND moving on to the good news..

10/10/09 - the start of something new

ok, so it isn't such a perfect date as the ones above but i guess i'm pretty happy with what i have now.

he isn't perfect and in fact, he isn't what i thought i'll end up falling for but reality bites, u know? u fall for pple whom u tink and u were pretty sure u'll nva fall for. jaz and shee doesn't have a good impression of him and actually me too.. LOL! he always complains i think of him as a player and i absolutely agree. (just saw photos of him kissing other girls the weekend just before we got "attached", made me lose my appetite though he had a valid reason)

so anyways, it isn't official yet and we're still testing waters. in fact, i am still somehow hesitant to let him into my life. i'm so very afraid. T.T the fear of stepping into the known abyss again is terrifying me. and certain doubts about him always surface and cloud my mind.

mr b reminded me that i'll only meet the guy i'll marry 2 years later. i felt relieved mr b reminded me of my tarot card reading. because you know what, i don't think the guy im with now actually feels anything for me. =( and i think im quite sensitive to the emotions of others, despite him saying he cares for me.

i don't feel it.

Dear God, reveal thy ways for my path. Amen.