argh.. i cant seem to get a certain some1 off my mind..

its so weird..

zzz

~

i wanna go back to korea!

WHEE! MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS PPLE!

and an upcoming NEW YEAR 2009!!

i wonder wad m i going to do?

private parties, chill gatherings or clubs???

on a separate topic, a friend of 9 years is coming back into my life... i wonder how this is going to turn out n what's going to happen.. hehehehe..

tink my family n i are back into d korean thing.. been eating kimchi nonstop... eating from korean crockery and using korean cutlery.. and im watching the last scandal now.. d 1 which was recently in d news about d suicide of d leading lady.. anyways, its a really good show.. u guys shld watch... =) i miss korea!

rantings

HATE

it's a word i hate to use

n i hate what u do to me

i'm not your plaything whom u contact whenever you're "free"

u don't disappear for weeks and then complain when my life picks up without u in it

i don't believe u when you say you don't even have a min to call me

and then i hear you going fishing and spending time with ur friends

then suddenly out of the blue, have the urge to call me at bloody 2 or 3am

just so as to string me along

and better still, have an argument even when we're not together

if u say u want to spend the rest of your life with me,

u'll spare some time and all my pictures would have had ur face in them.

but i say WHATEVER, shawn.

ur all bloody talk and no action.

pls dun tell me u know wad u want cos honestly,

ur doing a shit job of showing sincerity in wooing me

n all ur doing is complaining about my "lifestyle"

i dun fucking care anymore.

a short excerpt from msn

Dean says:
i banker lah i only logic rule the heart
Dean says:
and women are high risk investments
shar says:
LOL
shar says:
bankers are playboys
shar says:
sigh
Dean says:
only bcos we dont want to get played out by the girls
Dean says:
chasing women is a art much like chess
Dean says:
u cant put all ur eggs in one basket
Dean says:
the idea here is to diversify to control high risk
Dean says:
LOL
shar says:
LOL

liar liar pants on fire

.some1's lied to me today.

if it's not one, it's the other

am in the midst of figuring it out though it looks pretty clear

.well, i nva liked liars.

n i say good riddance

m thinking of cutting the whole group off

yeah man, shld do that!

LOL

d past comes aknockin

~SHARLENE is having d most fun talking to esp again~

it's like we nva stopped the communication for 2 years??!!

*blah blah blah*

"like seriously, what's there to life? it's so meaningless."

*blah blah blah* party late into the night *blah blah blah* meet more playas *blah blah blah* ignore these playas *blah blah blah* met old friends *blah blah blah* meet new friends *blah blah blah* meet decent guys *blah blah blah* bored***

seems like the rhythm of my current life. so meaningless. told him it was boring.

i stand corrected

-need a goal soon. or i'll seriously lose my mind-

i have no need for more friends

i have no need for more drama

i have no need for small boys

~i do however, might need money~

spent way too too too much

damnit.

have gotten rid of m. now, i wonder who im meeting next?

One Last Cry

My shattered dreams and broken heartAre mending on the shelfI saw you holding hands, standing close to someone elseNow I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was goneI gave my best to you, nothing for me to doBut have one last cryChorus:One last cry, before I leave it all behindI've gotta put you outta my mind this timeStop living a lieI guess I'm down to my last cryCry......I was here, you were thereGuess we never could agreeWhile the sun shines on youI need some love to rain on meStill I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was goneGotta get over you, nothing for me to doBut have one last cryChorus:One last cry, before I leave it all behindI've gotta put you outta my mind this timeStop living a lieI know I gotta be strongCause round me life goes on and on and onAnd on.....I'm gonna dry my eyesRight after I had myOne last cryChorus:One last cry, before I leave it all behindI've gotta put you outta my mind for the very last timeBeen living a lieI guess I'm downI guess I'm downI guess I'm down...To my last cry...

emo-ing

goodness, am feeling rather emo today.. which is rather strange considering i havent been emo for the entire month of oct till now..

all chow's fault.. damnit..

*bleh*

i miss j.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

am running away from mark too

LOL

*screwed up*

quarter of century

my bday is coming.. ^^ it's this sat!

and even though it isn't what i would do at this age, i think my celebration's going to be good.. hehehe.. 3 bottles minimum.. n a small group of maybe less than 20 peeps coming?

hahahahaha.. SMASHING! whee! am so excited! botak's coming!!! lol.. he's going to be soooo fun!!! i tell u, this guy can drink a f*ckload and go crazy with me, man.. HAHAHA.. plus he just broke up with his gf so we can go wild!!!!

anyways, m's promised to shut his eyes tomoro cos im still considered "single" and he's not allowed to get jealous.. HAHA.. hilarious.. plus he's opening barcardi 151... so he's definitely going to be drunk.. :P

i wish j2 aka my phantom could come though.. he's in reservist now.. i gotta admit, i honestly really haf a small crush on this fella.. hahahahaha.. smart (cambridge!!/masters), handsome, charismatic, well-to-do, well-travelled.. i'm pretty sure he's also a playboy and there shld be girls swarming all over him.. he's a challenge.. and not a risk i'm willing to take.. =X

o wells, my boy m will be around.. he's always around me now.. can't do much with any1 else, i guess.. HAHAHA..

hmm.. dear s, i hope ur doing fine since ur always so busy. we were supposed to spend my bday together, cos i promised u that.. lemme know ur plans asap k? or i'll arrange mine.. tk care.. ciao**

OH OH OH.. did i tell u? M wrote a song for me! and it sounds damn nice lor.. lyrics, arrangement, music... damn cool.. hahahahaha.. it's meant to be 1 of my bday presents.. ^^

i'm dreaming of my 4k louis vuitton bag.. btw i tink m's making a montage of photo frames for me. cos i tink DIY is damn cool now.. and d tot is more sincere.. ^^

26 and 35?

sry sry.. my bad..

1 of the guys actually told me he was 26 in a prior text..

sorry, girl.. my mistake..

i dunno how i ever got the number 35? LOL..

sometimes, u just get amazed and amused at the things guys say

i had a recent encounter where 2 guys lied that they were 35.

LOL.. lo and behold, i find out that they're not 35. they are in fact, 25, just a year older than i am.

well, i hope they were certainly offended when i readily digested the fact that they were 35.

~ROFL~ hilarious.

HALLOWEEN!!

whee~

am dressing up this year for the 1st time!

so excited

will post up pics after tonight! hahahaha =X

it's the tot that counts. n the little gifts.

it's always nice to receive gifts..

yest it was a single stalk of rose

today its godiva chocs..

suddenly i feel like singing the carol "twelve days of christmas"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA..

*beaming*

Tropic Thunder, Baby

thought of the day - sharlene thinks it's freaking cool to be a chopper pilot.

anyways, here's the trailer from the latest hilarious movie i watched.. (MUST WATCH, MAN!!)

~random email~

just came across this email dated 24th October only today.. hmm..~ (almost deleted it.. LOL)

Hey Sharlene,

As you read on, you must thinking why bother reading this message, or let alone reply it? Well the answer is simple, it will only take 10 seconds of your time and it will be of great honor to me if you do. *10 seconds counting down now, you may use a stopwatch to countdown with me* =)

By some elements of chance, I stumbled upon your profile on facebook and was enthralled by your apparent bubbly personality depicted from your profile to send out a message like this.

*name*'s my name and is currently working. How about you?

*10 Seconds up* ...Was it really that torturous? =P

Regards
*name*

im so hmm.. curious~ but that trait kills the cat huh? anyways, prob won't reply him until i'm bored.

ta^ for now.

new msn

oh btw, the weirdest thing happened yesterday.

i logged onto my old msn acc and i found ALL my contacts were totally wiped out!!

it's so clean, it's scary!

i have absolutely no idea what happened.

oh wells, i guess God wants me to really start on a clean slate. rofl

so, anyways, pls add my new msn acc

sharlene.tan@hotmail.com

a simple prayer

Good Lord,

please grant me strength

to say no to people

(when they ask me out during weekdays)

and

to quit clubbing.

Love,

wen

~updates~

some quick updates -

- m confessed last night over the phone
- m and the whole world says g likes me ALOT
- a1 (my first bf ever) is hinting stuff and even wants to buy me a trip to hongkong..
- mr a still likes me. and is frustrated cos im totally ignoring him
- i'm getting frustrated with s1 for no rhyme or reason
- s2 is having his exams so thankfully, im still in the clear
- lulu is blowing hot and cold with me. seems like she's not entirely over the whole episode during sec sch where d entire class alienated her.

hmmm~

ok. alot of work. ciao~

being lame, random n getting nowhere

~blowing hot and cold~

from many different places

to and fro

back and forth with the gazes

WHAT IS IT? i ask

the wind whispers, nothing, its all a bunch of gases

~GOOD GOSH~

OMG

am starting to like the pilots.

can my life get more complicated?

brand new GORGEOUS phone

wheeheheheehee~ GOT MY SAMSUNG OMNIA!! soooooooo happy!!!!

i'm a serial dater

i'm a serial kisser

i'm a BIG flirt

i'm addicted to playing with hearts

but i am no slut

100 laps = a wish to get married

~title says it all~

.i am surprised by the question.

and even more surprised by my answer

.then after a long nice midnight chat under a beautifully halo-ed moon,

a certain conversation pops up in the car and he gets surprised.

.i'm not that big a player as i seem to be.

HAHAHAHA

~u and every1 else got punked~

i'm not as loose as people make me out to be/or i seem to be

*bleh*

-------------------------------------------

am wishing for the samsung omnia

~whee~

bad girl

dear s,

cara viewed my friendster profile yest.. i don't know what's going on or wad u haf told her.. but u know wad, i feel that she's really a great girl..

don't give her up..

esp not for some1 like me.

.i wish u all d best.

shar

-------------------------------------------------------------------

partied with a bunch of pilots yest.

it's so fun to watch them get jealous of each other.

SERIOUSLY HILARIOUS

jaz, u shld haf come down with me yest

u would have had alot of fun!

my network is expanding again

just like how it exploded back when i was 21

whee^

looks like i haven't lost my touch. HAHA

bad thing is i donch got a phone nor a base.

POISON

fri - lambo, waterfall, martell , towers of beer and a shot of some ridiculously strong shit (whisk them up all together in a racing car and u get puke . . .)

sat - 2 bott chiv n a bott mart

DRUNK

GOT WAY TOO SMASHED

LOST HP

dear friends, pls drop me a text tonight with ur name.

thanks

whee~

just received news! tim and nick are driving down to sg now!! weehee~

~ d PARTY is ON tonight! ~

then there's luwen's 25th bday @ arena tomoro

WOOHOO!

am trying to get more of d old girls to go along

so far, they're being rather -_-"

.sighz.

y can't they b more spontaneous like me?? LOL

Drama Manga / Manga Drama?

am getting bored and annoyed with the 18 year old.

on another topic, watched 20th century boys last night (compliments of joyce).. and found it to be a pretty good film.. impressive editing, stylized shots manga-inspired, decent storyline which pulls u in, ok sound/graphic effects, 'thumbs up' acting by the cast.. so do go watch it.. ^^

=------------------------------------------------------------=

am thinking too much again.. this time tots involving s1 and 3 other girls whom he says "has potential" to be with him.. LOL ^.^ sigh.. but then again, who am i to say anything? here i am, with guys around me too.. HAHAHAHA..

so here we both are.. both waiting and dating other people..

having the best of all worlds

BUT

then to add more to the confusion within my tots,

mr a calls me up today, checking to see if i'm attached.. and as we chat on, i find out he's buying a house soon and is still definitely changing his "already impressively modified" racing car.. and he wants to meet up with me as soon as he finds time for me in his really busy work schedule+travel..

but honestly speaking, he's damn patient with me and d other guys lor.. hahaha.. i'm supposed to be dating him exclusively after j..

even j knew that and "approved".. -_-"

(btw, s2 has also bought a condo appartment which will b ready by next year.. he asked me to decorate it but i declined.)

anyways, back to the story.. might drive up to kl with mr a next weekend.. ^^ hahahaha.. to visit our kl mateys (god, i miss dennis, and the rest jon, tim, dean, anne, etc) soon.. jaz, u wanna come?? ^^ with adriell?

last tot - though im talking about cars, money, houses..

im definitely not materialistic..

nva have been.. sigh.

what am i to do?

i want to stick to 1 guy soon..

just the one.

.my one.

UPDATE - rejected the 18 year old boy.

OMG

God loves a good joke.

now, he's sent an 18 year old kid to play with me..

Because of You - Neyo

Chippy's song of the day

SAILOR WARRIORS

~sailor mars, sailor mercury, sailor moon, sailor venus~

LOL.. came across this on the web today..

man, i love this old school anime!

.stock markets' rollercoaster ride.

.banks with debts.

.healthy wealthy financial institutions going bust.

.7 year old oz, a bringer of death.

.toxic milk.

.poisoned products.
.closure of clubs.

.the hanging for rumors.

.life.

Closer - Neyo

always loved this song.. not sure why.. LOL..

can't find the official mtv version bcos youtube keeps removing them.. grrs..

situations

when everything seems impossible, don't fret.. it will always be possible with the help of God.

that was today's message

but

when it seems like it's all clear, something always happens.. there's drama happening all around me again..

i can't elaborate. all i can say is, i'm stuck. if i leave him now, he'll crumble. again. n i cannot do this to him a second time. how can i?

i haf my goals in mind. but it seems impossible at this point in time.

i pray that the Lord God will lead me out of the crazy situation i am in.

amen

WOW training video LOL

in the shadows

life sucks when u fall in love with somebody and then u run away

life sucks even more when d person u love, doesn't love u back

life is gone when ur stuck with somebody whom u don't love..

my life's such a mess now.. i don't recognise myself anymore, nor does my family for that matter..

what's happening to me?

F1 accident

God of the Moon and Stars - Kees Kraayenoord

heyz.. juz tot i'd share another song i've been listening to~

~from mr s~



God of the moon and stars
God of the gay- and singles bars
God of the fragile hearts we are,
I come to You

God of our history,
God of the future that will be
What will You make of me,
I come to You

God of the meek and mild,
God of the reckless and the wild
God of the unreconciled,
I come to You

God of our life and death
God of our secrets unconfessed
God of our every breath,
I come to You

God of the rich and poor
God of the princess and the whore
God of the ever open door,
I come to You

God of the unborn child
God of the pure and undefiled
God of the pimp and paedophile,
I come to You

God of the war and peace
God of the junkie and the priest
God of the greatest and the least,
I come to You

God of the refugee
God of the prisoner and the free
God of our doubt and certainty,
I come to You

God of our joy and grieve
God of the lawyer and the thief
God of our faith and unbelief,
I come to You

God of the wounds we bear
God of the deepest dreams we share
God of our unspoken prayer,
I come to You

God of a world that's lost
God of the lonely cross
God who has come to us,
I come to You

*hugs*

~d childish post~

I went to the spca yesterday!!!!! OMG.. was playing with the dogs and cats there!!! sooo cute~ u know wad, i tink im more of a cat person after all.. LOL.. spca hasn't changed much since the last time i went there when i was 16.. though they did add an extra wing to the dogs' enclosures..

=)

then after dinner, i proceeded down to zouk to collect my card, but was informed that d manager had taken my card for me as he wanted to give it to me personally!!! but that he would only come in after 11pm~~~~

and it isn't d velvet card! d silly billy just renewed my old zouk account for me.. damnit~ am going to try to psycho the manager to upgrade my card for me! hahahaha..

>.< *bleh*

so anyways, instead of staying at zouk.. i went down to east coast park to chill with s2 and his friends at a ktv beach bar.. quite nice atmosphere~

and oh god, the songs which s2 usually sings... it's either i'm really sensitive.. but i get the feeling he's been singing these particular songs for d past few years entirely for me.. cos they all have hidden meanings!!! in fact, most of the songs he sang to me are like sad songs which somehow has a weird reference back to our past or to me.. i do hope im just being sensitive but the words spoken by jaz keeps coming back to me, basically "that he's fixated on me because i'm the one girl whom he cannot get and the only one who got away"

anyways, i'm sounding so childish in this post.. grrss.. don't know.. don't care~

last nugget - he whispered "i love u" to me in between songs but i acted dumb~ though i tink my heart is starting to thaw..

OK HUK (Heartbroken) - Bodyslam

BOOYA..

shall share a song which is one of s2's favourite.. =) it's fast becoming mine too.. LOL.. i love the chorus! i think i've heard this song like a million times already..

~playing couple~

wads happening today???!!!!

i suddenly found myself in an open relationship?

LOL.. and with a playboy, no less..

but it seems as though he's serious?

in fact, more serious than i am..

he's planning our future already

he even threatened to kill jerric (he said kill, but im guessing bash)

if there's anything between us..

like wtf?

poor jerric... dun worrie.. i'll protect u! ROFL..

i need to lighten up!

BOO YA..

i am just wondering why my blog is soooo ultra depressive?? LOL..

i need more entertainment!!

anyways, F1 was AWESOME on sat night! and KTV with the guys was HILARIOUS on sunday night! lol..

~love u guys~

~an old friend~

brought to my attention just this morning, a conversation from a long time ago

it was so long ago that i even forgot it

------------------------------------

somehow

i can't believe how cruel i used to be

the careless way i phrase my words

the methods used to break guys hearts

.honestly.

yeah, confirms my suspicions

i'm not that nice a person to be with

d main reason why i hate, well not hate,

but dislike my bf going to clubs is cos of girls like me.

LOL. wad an irony.

then i go and chase away a perfect guy who doesn't club.

that's me. messed-up.

The Bottom Line
You cannot change the past. Today, if you are full of regrets, just look ahead.

In Detail
You cannot change the past, so today if you are full of regrets, you just have to start getting comfortable with them, because there is no going back. The pain of what you did or didn't do will fade with the passage of time, so look ahead. Make some plans with friends for a road trip and give yourself something to look forward to, something to take your mind off of the past. Your patience will get you through this time of life, and your hopefulness with prepare you for better times.

am still struggling. to find my pace. to find myself. to find happiness.

i miss u, mr s. just as i miss j.

(deleted paragraphs)

karma.

current mission on earth: making some1 happy.

last tot: i'm a fool.

last phrase: we all lead different lives in different worlds. a glimpse of heaven and a glimpse of hell is enough to make me happy on plain ole earth.

o god, i hate myself.

i'm really sorry.

i don't know when u'll read this, but as much as i'd like to reply your texts, i can't.

you're better off without me. really.

when this blows over, i hope we can stay as friends. *hugs*

thank you so much for everything. i meant it when i said i love u for being u.

ur a wonderful person. the girl who'll be with u will be a very lucky girl. =)

i hurt somebody today. i'm sorry. it's me. i think too much. it's better this way. lesser trouble. honestly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

now i find myself dedicating this song to j. sighs.

"Too Serious Too Soon" Gareth Gates

I wonder where you were
I wonder what your thinking of tonight
I wonder
Maybe you're alone
Maybe you've been crying just like me
I wonder
I don't know why I lost your touch
Maybe I wanted to be loved too much

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me

It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon

I told you every day
I told you every night in every way
I love you

Maybe you got scared
Maybe I have nothing else to say
But I love you
So baby now my life's a mess
Cause I
couldn't love you any less

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me

It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon

Too soon
It's not right
It's not fair
Missing you baby cuts like a knife
what if you were the love of my life

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me

we got too serious to soon
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
too serious too soon
I wanted you too love me

It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon

ZOMBIE

met up with eunice yest! lol.. STEAMBOAT KAKI! whee~

highlights of the night

- we ate too much
- velvet membership
- bumped into gwendolyn
- choice of poison: tiger beer, whisky, bourbon, vodka, lambo (jugs)
- hate the zouk/phuture/velvet division
- mambo still as fun. updated music lists. hahaha. =X
- velvet my fave chill place.
- zouk's bouncers all getting younger and they all look like clones.

*HUNGOVER*

~in need of extra cash~ zzz

yesterday's bible reading :

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”- Romans 5:3-4

this next passage is a psalm to which some1 i know keeps near to his heart :

Psalm 27
Of David.

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.
4One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.
7Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, Seek his face! Your face, LORD, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Saviour.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.
12 Do not hand me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence.
13I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD

god bless him. keep him safe and strong. amen

school of cheating playas

d phrase "school of cheating playas" came back to me today..

oh god, i totally don't feel like explaining. but in order for mr. s to understand me more, i have to.

well, at least this means that he was quite attentive to my friendster profile when i was with j right? lol.. after all, that phrase was only up for like mayb a month.. from july 7th to mid aug.. LOL.. well, bright thing about this is that im happy to know that..

LOL. n u guys know wad, sometimes i really get the feeling either he really reads this blog.. or he reads my mind.. cos everytime i have a conversation with him, some phrase from my blog will pop up and i'll be like "WTF?" lol.. is he reading my mind?

ok. back to today's subject, i admit, i used to be a playa. when im single. when i was hurting. when i went crazy after i broke up with my first love. when i was single before i met my first love. i was in a few relationships at any given time during these periods. .. again i say, clean dating relationships. LOL. just to make that clear. and each guy i was dating, knew i wasn't exclusive. i was with them only cos i liked it. if something turned me off (whether they tried to get serious, get too clingy/naggy, start to lecture), i'd move on. i had guys at my beck and call. n although i know many playas, i always steer clear. as i said, i prefer character in a person.

ok, enough for the explanation. the pple who really know me, know n love me for who i am, so i dun haf to explain. i don't need to explain. nva have.

however, now, it's a different life for me. i'm older, wiser, quiet and more mature. i know wad i want. though im torn between having fun and being serious, i do know wad i want for my future. i'm done with playing. the karma thing is honestly "f*cking" up my mind/life. BUT, a big BUT here, my recently-ended serious relationship has really been taking its toll on me. so i'm going to take my time before plunging in the deep end again.

right now, if ur reading this, there's only 2 men in my life. my dad and elfie. hahaha. kidding. no, it's mr s and mr s.. right.. hahaha. s1 and s2.. =P

s1 - the one who gives me security/makes me smile with his sweet, romantic side.
s2 - the one who loves me for me/keeps me entertained with his crazy stories.

they both make me happy. they both share interests with me though both are vastly different. n i can't choose. it's not time yet.

last tot - i just realised i m immensely attracted to guys with unique names. does this mean i already know who i'm going to choose? god, i dun want to break any more hearts. i cannot drag this too long.

God, give me strength

The Bottom Line
Open your heart and let someone else make the decisions for now. Let go.

In Detail
Your expectations are growing too lofty right now -- you are aiming so high that you are bound to be disappointed when reality hits. You need to scale back your ambitions and believe that everything is happening the way it needs to happen, in the best time frame. Getting comfortable with having less control over where your life is going right now is easier than you think. All you need to do is open your heart and let someone else make the decisions for now.

horoscopes tend to influence the lives of pple once u read it. subconsciously, u'll tend to seek the advice within your chosen daily chores.. anyways, yeah.. so if i take this context further, the answer to my previous post would mean that the guys would decide for me. i'll try to let go.

heh heh. my heart is ready. =P

jaz, call me after u read this after-lunch entertainment blog.. >.<

left or right? right or wrong?

am at a fork in the road once again.

at each end of the path, stands a guy. each with different ideals, each with different habits, each with a good and bad boy side to them. each comes with their own fair share of future pain for me.

but their hearts are good. their intentions are good.

which shld i choose? where shall i go? will it be fair to these guys cos i come with my own heavy heart.

When I grow up

LOL

gosh. it's been a freaking long time since i rejected somebody directly.

i mean, usually the guys all back off when i get into a relationship so it's like weird, when i reject even when i'm not even in a relationship.

but this guy has been really too much. sigh. so i did it. rejected him like 5 min ago.

also, i found myself dialling esp's number today. but didn't get on with the call. sigh. i feel like i shld make it up to him somehow for treating him the way i did when i broke it off with him. it was ultra super cruel at that time and i cannot forgive myself. yeah, karma. sigh. but it's good for him that i don't call right? i mean. ya. i shld just leave pple alone with their happy lives. haha.

so well, i had a disturbing dream this morning. i dreamt j came running back to me and i tell u, it's impossible to describe the joy i felt even in my alcohol-fuelled sleep..

but that's just a dream. it's already impossible between us.

i had way too much fun yest. stumbled home at about 6am this morning. amazingly sober after drinking way too much.. martinis, chivas, martell, lambo.. shall not describe the places i visited.. my verdict: fun n crazy.

ok, after reading that paragraph, my parents are frowning. LOL

anyways, i got tix to the F1!! whee.. so happy.. haha. =) after hunting for ways to watch it for so long, it finally just dropped right into my lap! YAY

my august bills are here. damn. overspent. way too much. sometimes i wish i got a sugar daddy. haha. but no, my dad's too strict. which is good. sigh.
reminder to u guys: i pay my own bills. in fact, it's amazing how i manage my finances. -_-"

my resolutions today:
to start rejecting people whom i don't like
try to start a healthy relationship with some1 i like
to have healthy fun

last tots: my phone is off due to lack of battery. zzz. i'm thinking of karma. zzz. i am avoiding some1. zzz. damnit. god, give me strength.

the clouds have lifted

am wondering what the hell is wrong with the guys in singapore now.

there're no more good guys.. all they want is fun fun fun.. u cannot believe how many guys have queried me for 1 night stands. it's utterly disgusting.. and no, i'll never be able to do that.. that's just wrong.. this makes me sad for singapore's future, man.. gosh.

granted, im only putting myself out on the dating scene so that i can get over my grief. but it's good clean fun.. i learn about people's life experiences, absorb new life ideals, check out good makan/chill-out places and even maybe try out new activities (such as fishing, which i may do soon, i guess) so yeah, =) basically only trying to make myself happy.. and it's all safe.. these are pple whom i've at least known for years.. but just nva given enough time to know them properly..

but just last night, at least 2 pple have questioned what the hell im doing. cos they're worried about my flighty behaviour n the outlook i present to others.. they believe strongly in karma and that they're worried for my next relationship since i always seem to attract malicious gossip my whole life.. i really dunno why.. my entire life has been a drama.. i tell u, i can write a book regarding my experiences and it MIGHT be a bestseller.. hahahaha.. but yeah, i know they care for me. and i really appreciate it. thank you!

explanation: so its like, some1 remarked last week that i used to date 5 guys at a time.. well, that's true, i dun deny that.. in fact i dunno if it was 5 guys or mayb more.. depends on the period of time.. but at this point, i need to reiterate.. it was good clean dating (going out etc) and we all were happy in a non-exclusive relationship.. in fact, i may be doing that again soon.. cos i still havent really found anybody interesting enough to capture my interest.. n as i said, im not into temporary relationships..

but it's going to b hard.. not hard to find guys.. but hard to find guys who i'll be interested in.. im not into looks as my true friends know.. and character is basically wad singaporean guys are losing at the moment.. haha.. maybe i really do need to start afresh in another country as sheena says.. haha..

however, i am at least lucky to find at least one anchor to keep me sane.. to mr s. whom shirley, susan, sheena and even my mom has met.. (jaz, u didnt want to meet him cos u dun wanna create a bad impression.. =P) yeah, i know i said im not interested in him at the moment but haha. ok.. u know thats wad i always say about the guys i'll eventually be with.. dunno la.. i really dunno wad the future brings for me.. but at the moment, it looks really bright.. =)

to u : "ur the reason im smiling again. thank you. and if ur reading this which i dunno, yes. i do care for u enough to look forward to the future. *MUAHX*"

peekaboo! lol. decided it would be too mafan to let my peeps know my new blog address..

so i might as well move a new blog into my old address.. =X

.owells.

cheerios. wish all a happy weekend cos i know mine will be crazy! lol. X.X

leave u guys with a couple tags.. ^^

Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind

(my new motto)

Women would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think

(this one is for hmm.. for fun. =P)

i'm thinking my last blog was known to too many.

sigh. in fact, the person whom i'm currently may be seeing, seems to be echoing certain words from the blog.

im really not sure if it is all too coincidental or is he hinting that he knows about that blog.

weird.

anyways, i am wavering again. pondering about y dun i just have some fun 1st. and not get into another relationship so fast.

sigh. ya. i tink i need more time.

Over You - Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done,

I can't believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me down,

Like an old abandoned house.

What you said when you left

Just left me cold and out of breath.

I fell too far, was in way too deep.

Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.

I guess it's really over.

I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.

I'm spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,

I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,

Dragged the memories down the hall,

Packed your bags and walked away.

There was nothing I could say.

And when you slammed the front door shut,

A lot of others opened up,

So did my eyes so I could see

That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.

I guess it's really over.

I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.

I'm spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.

I guess it's really over.

I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.

I'm spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together.

Well I'm putting my heart back together,

'Cause I got over you.

Well I got over you.

I got over you.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,

I got over you.