Sou|reaver says:
u r one hell of a charbo la
should be easy to get guys
but i dun wanna just any1 to cling onto u
lol

the above was written by my bro from mauritius.
made me cry bcos honestly im feeling v v extremely lonely these days
its so bloody frustrating

Sh@r says:
ur nt the only one who says that
lol
but im really tired
i need some1 to rescue me

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i told him how i felt
basically told a person who i dun like,
that i dun like how things are gg
and that i dun like the feelings (read: loneliness) that he evokes in me
im gg crazy.
i think im starting to hate him!

ex loves

and so i was online last night. (in facebook/msn/skype)

met a rather awkward guy on speed-date. apparently he just tried it out just yesterday (cos u can see wad date they joined) and was still getting used to it.. he's 26, works at a financial institution in orchard in a managerial post... hmmm.. not bad not bad.. his profile pic even looks a lil eurasian although he had a military haircut. LMAO!

negative thought: our conversation was quite stilted! =/ but can be worked on. LOL!

we exchanged msn contacts and he did ask for my hp but i didn't give it out.. =D hahahaha..

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NOW FOR THE MORE IMPORTANT NEWS UPDATE!!

out of the blue, ewok popped up in a msn window.. so we started chatting and as i've been in a rather emo mood lately, i decided to ask him to webcam with me!! im thinking i haven't seen him in a long while, around 2+ years now from last we met.. and then he decides to shock me by saying, "instead of doing that, let's go for teh instead"!! and this was at like 12.30 a.m. on a monday night.

but i was exhausted from work. =/ so i declined. but secretly im excited!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~

so instead of going out, we spent an hour talking on the phone, updating each other on our current gg-ons.. it's so nice to hear his voice again.. however, half of me is is scared of seeing him but the other half really wants to meet him. =/ how how how?

*** he told me "get back together with him la! love is really hard to find!!"
and my face just went -____________________________________-"
i don't know why, but i found that comment rather nasty. doesn't it sound like he's trying to get my hopes up since i'm so excited about meeting my 1st love? ***

positive thought: wouldn't it be great if i finally find true love with my 1st love? and it'll be a fairytale love story spanning a total of 10 years (we've now reached 8 years LOL) we've tried to make it twice, can i be third time lucky?

negative thought: what if d love was really truly gone? and there's no such thing as a fairytale ending? or true love? what if he doesn't love me anymore and it's just wishful thinking on my part?

all i have are my memories of him now. will that be all that's left of him in my life? after all, he'll be moving to aust for good.

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on another note, it's so weird how espen refuses to see me. =/ hmm~ i think he's still angry with me (though he always comments on my fb) but honestly speaking, i miss him.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~

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why does it seem as though a relationship without love will work better than one with love? it certainly feels this way to me.

boyfriend on my mind

lately i've been sending flowers to people (even to some1 who is in faraway canada) till i got the urge to want to receive flowers myself. so how? hmm.. sigh..

its so pathetic to ask pple to send me flowers la.. hahahaha.. won't do that.. >.<

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he calls/meets/dapaos lunch for/calls me out for dinner/or just plain calls me to chat almost everyday now.

and yet, we still haf no feelings for each other. (i do however have a soft spot which ultimately ensures that i never say no to him.. >.<)

however, everytime i leave him after a meal/a movie/a short meet/a chat, i feel lonelier and more wretched than ever.

today he called me out for coffee and during that 30 min, i urged him to get a gf and he replied, he wasn't interested in any1 at all and that he doesnt see himself getting attached this year.

oddly, i felt irritated. i wonder if he gets the same feeling when i tell him im not interested in him or in any1 else.

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i kept thinking of getting a bf all day today

suddenly, mr b's offer seems rather attractive to me. LMAO

then i thought of speed-date, a facebook application which seemed quite interesting a long time ago and that i was "asked" to remove cos some1 (a rich guy who drives a gorgeous over-modified fairlady), insisted i remove it immediately because he didn't want me to meet other guys on it. LOL! and i did!

but think i shall play with it again tonight. might cure the boredom for now. ^^

im sure it'll be an interesting topic to blog about! hahaha..

kk, ciao pple.. i m leaving my office now.. zzz

26 bdays

this week, we celebrated our bdays..

shee, jaz and i did something unusual this year,
we originally wanted to do a macd bday party but that idea got thrown out by jaz (who prob tot it wasn't special or fun) haha
so we planned for a picnic at the botanical gardens =D
so way early in the morning, we gathered wad we liked to eat/drink
jaz picked us up and we made our way to the venue
surprisingly there were not as many pple as i expected to see there cos i heard its v crowded on wkends
but an overwhelming number of the pinickers that day were filipina maids
not that we have anything against them, but they were nt expected
it was hot, it was humid, we were complaining about the heat
but it was still honestly, very fun! lots of laughter, "sweat" and walking
and elfie was obedient in a rascally sense.. d pics are up in facebook.. =D

and that was just part 1 of the bday celebrations. we prob did alot of memorable stuff this year
so i hope the girls rem this year
i do wish sheen all the best for her move to canada
am sooooo gonna miss her soooo goddamn much.. *sighs*

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a couple more new guys on the scene..

mr j, who stargazed with me at my place
offered me an all-expense paid trip to osaka, japan (which i turned down)
he's also celebrating his 30th birthday with a function at goodwood park hotel
there's going to be my fave peking duck. =D *yums*

mr b, LOL, an old friend
gave me a laptop (hp mini)
now we have 6 laptops at home.. hahahahahaha
offered to bring me shopping for a new designer bag for my bday which is in nov
asked me if i should try being his gf. tryout for 2mths and see if we can click.. LMAO!!!
also offered me free trips if i was to be his gf.
LOL!!!

<3 volvo c70 <3

he's been down lately.

i don't know if its bcos i've been v curt with him lately to the point that he told me straight that he didnt want to speak to me

or the fact that during this period, alot of guys are vying for my attention so i don't give him enough of my time

or the fact that his ex didn't bother replying his text.

over lunch today, he hinted at whether we shld be together

my immediate response was no.

which seemed to hurt him a lil though he's nt interested in me

i don't want to be his replacement for his ex.

if he likes me, i'd rather he likes me for me.

and not just look to me for comfort.

>.<

however, i am starting to have a lil teeny weeny bit of feeling for him.

NOT GONNA TELL HIM THOUGH

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sat mr a's newest car today

volvo c70

gorgeous

im in love!!!

mr a. kept joking that he's after me

somehow i can't tell if its a joke or not

~he seems sincere~

but he annoys the hell outta me.

i hate that u always make me laugh!!!

why won't he release me?

he likes music

he likes to dance

he is extremely vain

he loves being in the centre of attention

he's been hurt before and is still hurting

he confides in me about anything and everything

he isn't the romantic type (unless its a girl he really likes)

he likes to kiss and hug and loves to cuddle

he likes to confuse me

BUT he says he doesn't like me

i don't like him either

so its really strange when i ask myself, why do i feel sad?

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update: he just called me.. again.. lol.

i tink im feeling too lonely. damn.

lololol. i bought him a christian audigier hoodie. =X

last tot: shld i start modelling again?

secrets

i've been getting restless.

increasingly disatisfied with my life

when i get lonely, spend my time with companions

when i don't feel like being home, i spend my time at work

when im bored, i find fun things to do. (impromptu)

a rather boring life i lead huh.

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been spending time with a certain someone.

but there's no romantic entanglements involved

it feels nice,

complicated

and fucking confusing.

>.<

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~a dilemna~

recently, something happened. (hint: an ex's wedding)

not a big thing actually

but considering how people have pointedly tried to keep it from me.

they were probably trying to keep me from getting upset??

but anyhow, i heard about it and fyi, it didn't bother me.

what i do care about, is that my best friends who knew about it didn't want to tell me.

probably out of consideration to my feelings. which i can appreciate and understand

BUT i didn't like hearing about it from a stranger.

so here comes the dilemna, shld i be upset that my best friends tried to keep something "big"

which they knew for a certain period of time,

but however which was in fact a small thing, from me?

or shld i ignore it? cos it doesn't bother me.

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it doesn't bother me.

=D

though i can't wish them personally, well,

i'd just like to write here that i wish the both of them the best

from the bottom of my heart.

=P