sigh

love is all about acceptance, isn't it?

on the move again

alright.. after a temporary stint at multiply, i've decided to move my ass over to wordpress

why?

cos im supposed to work on a website for kenneth soon

and apparently SCOTT highly recommends and swears wordpress is the hotstuff at the moment

oh well

let's see how this works out

>.<

link

pls do check it out and comment pls

thanks, loves ya

besties

dear shee and jaz,

:)

can't wait to see u guys soon

though its for a farewell dinner

:(

love

wen

keys to the hearth

spotted: random goodlooking guy in my office.. this happens rather rarely (like maybe once in three months.. hehehe) but when it does, my day turns a lil brighter.. :)

and the new colleague who took over bestie shee's place is very very very stupid.. oh well, it'll be a really big exam on my patience.. so far so good though she irritates me pretty much hourly.. *sigh*

---------------------------------------------

kenny surprised me yesterday with something we've both never done before
he secretly duplicated his key and bought a new access card for me
it's the first time he's done this for a girlfriend
hinting that he wants to be with me "long-term"

which is good :))

it's also the first time i've gotten keys to a boyfriend's place
feels rather awesome hahahaa
feels like we're taking that giant big step into cementing our relationship

words can't describe how stunned i was when i got the keys
words also can't describe how annoyed he was when he said i chucked the keys away
LOL

but it was honestly cos i really didn't know how to react
i need to do something for him in return
in need of ideas now

arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

i promise not to bring up the words 'break up' anymore

was talking with kenneth about some issues which weren't serious
when i suddenly joked about breaking up

afterwhich there was this really bad awkward silence
and i felt really bad for joking about it

so we had a short discussion on that

and about ten minutes later,
he messaged me on fb

10:14pm Kenneth
i love you.. very much.. :\
it kindda breaks my heart everytime u say that.. pls dont say it anymore.. :\

my heart melted
i love him so much now
that it's scaring me =(

im gg to try my best for this relationship
i'll try to be more open-minded just like how i am with my guy friends
and be more accepting of his faults/weaknesses

Dear God, i pray..
bless us please
for we love u and i know u love us too
amen

perfect saturday; horrid sunday

so the title says it all.. haha

Saturday seemed to me like the perfect day for chillout
woke up snug in his arms
cooked lunch

Lunch: i made rice, sausage omelette and fried chicken wrapped in beancurd skin :)))

then we played dynasty warriors on ps3
after that, i did some grocery shopping cos i wanted to make dinner

Dinner: Roast Black Pepper Chicken, mashed potato, rabbitfish and country vegetables

i had originally wanted to roast some lamb chops but seeing as cold storage had a promo gg on for chickens at 4.99 so i bought the lamb rack, stored it in the freezer and will be preparing it soon.. =D

went to st james after that.. got bored at 12.30 am and went home.. *yawns*

Sunday started out pretty badly.. Since i left st james around 12.30, i took the keys and went home first.. and he basically got home only at 5+am.. =/ though i trust him pretty much now.. it got me pissed off cos 1) i wasnt able to sleep cos he wasnt home yet 2) i hadda buzz him up so basically i felt like i shldnt slp 3) i got annoyed cos he could have clubbed for maybe 1 or 2 hrs more; instead he clubbed for an additional 4 hrs.. 4) he reeked of alcohol though i left him pretty high at the club already! *sighs*

i didnt sleep that entire night.. its literally a FML right?

then on sunday itself - he left me to finish up the leftover chicken and went out for satay with his female client
didnt hug nor kiss me before he left :(
after that, we went out for dinner with his family bcos of a visiting cousin
then i found something on his hp when he passed it to me to check something (his hands were dirty) ... which really disappointed me and got me wondering about what he does on his phone..

i felt neglected, annoyed and just disappointed..

so tell me, doesnt it sound like what the title suggests? perfect sat; horrid sun
such a balance..

Daddy's Bday

its daddy's bday today

i love daddy

hahaha.. just wanted to say that.. don't know why

i think im missing daddy n the family a lil too much

can't wait to see them all a lil later on..

it's also j's bday today

hmm. nothing much to say about that

LOL

OH, chanced on perez hilton's blog today again..

havent read it in a long long time

and i realised its also perez hilton's bday today..

Happy Birthday Everybody!

Perfect

Living with him has been awesome so far

and everything feels so perfect

i only hope he feels the same way too

<3

2010 is gg a lil too well for my liking

everything seems to be gg so well that im starting to get paranoid again

and it's stressing me so much that im starting to overthink every single little thing once more

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

btw his family is starting to like me

his 2 cute nieces are forever always hanging around me and

even his sisters are starting to get curious about me

and have been talking to me

hmm, well.. its exactly how they say

that every1 needs time to warm up to each other..

:)

---------------------------------------------

ken remarked over the wkend

kids and males (at any age) always seem to like me

and u know what i was thinking?

i was thinking, "err, can i say duh?? lol.."

:P

hahaha.. i sound so conceited!!

----------------------------------------------

i can tell daddy and mummy are missing me

after all, its the 1st time i'm living away from the house

while being in singapore

i have moved out for approx 2+ weeks now

mel says my dad's missing me

cos he sounded sad to her when he said that i dont text him at all

so i texted him this morning

but his reply was short simple and sweet

so i couldnt really tell

but i betcha my mum would get jealous i texted my dad first before i texted her

u know,

i actually do miss my parents

and i do miss my house

but im so so so contented being with someone i love

that i tend to forget about

my life before this

when i was living in australia

daddy tried to instill in me the habit of calling home every sunday

but its honestly too bad that the habit never really took on me

am feeling guilty now

i shall go home over the wkend

:)

anyways, its about time i did my laundry

(though i still have quite a few clean clothes)

the time it almost ended

things came to a head about a couple days ago when we suddenly argued out of the blue
and what's more, we even argued in public..
i felt really terrible
and we almost didn't make it

but we did..... =)

however, things didn't seem to be well the day after
cos the words which were spoken kept running through my mind
and when i went home, i had this strong feeling to check his computer
i then found stuff that made me cry
and think about ending the relationship

i tried not to talk about it cos i wanted to deal with it on my own but failed..
so i eventually woke him in the middle of the night to tell him what i found
he explained that the letter i had found which was addressed to me
was written way way way before we got together
also the photos under his keyboard were of his client

then he called me silly -.-

he comforted me so much that i fell for him again
its deeper now
its deeper for him too
so everything's fine and dandy now

--------------------------------------------------

I was afraid he'll be upset that I checked his computer
so i asked him but he confessed
he had checked my computer before i checked his
and i was like O.O ooooOOOOHHHHHH!

hehehehehe..

our situation's so amusing hahahaha

he told me he read my conversation with ewok
and he got jealous
but it got fine when he realised i was talking about him with ewok

then he called me a flirt (presumably cos of convos with other peeps, i guess)

LOL

i love you's

recently ken remarked that he's been saying "i <3 u"'s to me so much that he reckons he's said it the most to me in just 2 months than with any of his ex-gfs in any of the periods he's been with them for, other than maybe his first love..

so i commented that maybe he was just "psycho-ing" himself to love me and then i laughed.. hahaha

he looked hurt for a second and said no, he really does love me and that why don't i believe him when he says so.. (he thinks im insecure >.<)

i smiled but secretly i am happy.. =D

he also asked if it was said too much.. hahaha..

i said no. =D

every morning

my heart always gives a little leap of joy

when he smiles lovingly at me

everytime he wakes

(even for that second he cracks opens his eyes and falls back asleep straight after)

:D

then he'll keep repeating that he loves me

or he'll cuddle me so tight that

i'll always wake him without fail

when i try to extricate myself from his embrace.

Insomnia

I never thought that I'd fall in love, love, love, love
But it grew from a simple crush, crush, crush, crush
Being without you girl, I was all messed up, up, up, up
When you walked out, said that you'd had enough-nough-nough-nough

Been a fool, girl I know

Didn't expect this is how things would go

Maybe in time, you'll change your mind

Now looking back i wish i could rewind

Because i can't sleep til you're next to me

No i can't live without you no more

Oh i stay up til you're next to me

Til this house feels like it did before

Feels like insomnia ah ah,

Feels like insomnia ah ah

Feels like insomnia ah ah,

Feels like insomnia ah ah

Remember telling my boys that I'd never fall in love, love, love, love

You used to think I'd never find a girl I could trust, trust, trust, trust

And then you walked into my life and it was all about us, us, us, us

But now I'm sitting here thinking I messed the whole thing up, up, up, up

Been a fool (fool), girl I know (know)

Didn't expect this is how things would go

Maybe in time (time), you'll change your mind (mind)

Now looking back i wish i could rewind

Because i can't sleep til you're next to me

No i can't live without you no more (without you no more)

Oh i stay up til you're next to me (to me)

Til this house feels like it did before (Because it)

Feels like insomnia ah ah,

Feels like insomnia ah ah

Feels like insomnia ah ah (Ah),

Feels like insomnia ah ah

Ah, i just can't go to sleep

Cause it feels like I've fallen for you

It's getting way too deep

And i know that it's love because

I can't sleep til you're next to me

No i can't live without you no more (without you no more)

Oh i stay up til you're next to me (to me)

Til this house feels like it did before

Feels like insomnia ah ah,

Feels like insomnia ah ah

Feels like insomnia ah ah,

Feels like insomnia ah ah

Feels like insomnia ah ah,

Feels like insomnia ah ah

Feels like insomnia ah ah,

Feels like insomnia ah ah

------------------------------------------------

can't sleep lately

the song above says it all

Lately, ken seems to be testing my patience and my tolerance level

I really dont feel I can trust him with the numerous things that have been going on for quite some time now.

(asking girls out, flirting, secretive, always alt-tabbing whenever i go near his computer(not with the intention of screening), getting a blowjob shooter from victoria)

I did a blowjob shooter with jus once.

I felt it should only be done between couples or if you're single.

how do i continue loving without trust?

and to top it off, without me having to quarrel with him

God, I pray, help me to cast my fears aside

for they're eating me from within

I told him last night

he is fun to be with

and i always feel happy whenever im with him

i love him

but i dont feel like i will marry "fun"

sometimes i wonder

do his ex-girlfriends (the ones he thinks are so awesome) honestly don't care about his capricious flirtatious attitude?
.i dont think they loved him.

or if they did, they'd prob never saw a future with him anyways

memorabilia

was tidying up ken's room when i found photos of a woman holding a baby under his keyboard.
i believe they are photos of his ex
the ex he's trying to get over
a divorcee with what appears to be a baby
hmm
she isn't pretty LOL
normally i wouldn't feel threatened by her
but in this case, i do.. somehow.. just that lil bit

was a lil put off by it
but then i realised
i have photos of jus and espen lying around at home
i even have one of jus buried in a box under my computer table at work
and the framed jigsaw puzzle he gave me is still hanging prominently right over the top of my shelves in my room at home

hmm

after the conversation with jus today
ken told me he wouldn't be comfy with meeting up with my exes (namely jus and espen)
esp since he thinks im not over jus yet

i don't know

this complicated puzzle of the exes seems to come back every so often within our lives
i wonder when we'll actually be able to ditch those memories
and hopefully bask in the love we share someday

that man i wanted and almost married

an interesting window popped up today..
it was jus who hasn't spoken to me ever since we broke up in 2008..
so we had a good catch up session

it was really nice to speak to him again

it even brought back quite a few memories

it was also strange that i could be friendly after hating him for so long

so i finally congratulated him about his wedding


then ken got jealous =D
cos he said the conversation lasted too long
aww~ *happie*
he accused me of missing jus

and at that moment, i wanted to retort about him and his ex-gf

but i caught my tongue in time

so i reassured him that jus's bond with me was in the past

and it will stay in the past

to be honest, i dont miss jus

but the relationship we shared

was a lil too deep for me

it will leave a scar on me for the rest of my life

*emo*

1 of our songs

20-1-2010

Today marks the first day where we declared the relationship online. =) and I can't stop smiling. hehs <3

It isn't the actual first day since we've been dating for quite some time now but actually acknowledging it has definitely taken a load off my mind.

Plus, I didn't realise it but it's a pretty good date too. 20012010. too bad october's too far off. >.<

Anyways, love you all. *hugs*

January the 15

today has been a really weird day for many reasons..

on monday, i told him that i didn't want to be alone today (2nd anniversary of something impt to me) and he totally understood. =) ok, its not as if we've been spending our days/nights apart but we're definitely gg to be together this day/night of jan 15 2010. LOL

Well, we havent been apart since wed (except when we needed to work) and it's been like this for the last few weeks. to the point that i don't need to msg my parents to let them know that i'm staying at his place already cos it's like a given. and it feels good.

its that feeling of living on my own and having my own independance and life which i really enjoy. it's also called freedom if that's what ur asking. =D

mum's been a little curious as to how he looks like. she wants me to bring him home soon. but i dont feel like i should yet.. but soon, soon i will.. im thinking maybe in march, on my dad's bday.

he told me this morning with a poker face as we took the train in to work that he didn't feel like gg to work. but he knows he has to because if he didn't work, where was he gg to get the money to marry me? and it was said in such a silly but adorable way that i totally melted! LOL.. aww.. <3

----------------------------------------------------------------

had a little weird thing gg on with a couple of friends lately

i think its the unfriend week since i lost 2 off my friend list within a week

strangely, i dont feel it yet

but it was weird

1 of them explained to me why he hadda remove him and i understood

so i explained that i have to remove him too since he was gg to remove my bf off

and he understood

and we wished each other the best

but the other just removed me without a word

a big irony since i was gg to tag her in a BFF post which made me find out she removed me

also supposed to feel like a big thing since she was supposed to be 1 of my BFFs

guess nothing's meant for forever eh?

temporary breaks also breaks up a forever

anyways we all need breaks now and then

who doesn't need a break?

come, let's go, i'll treat u to a kit-kat

<3

new year new blog new life!

heys peeps, just got myself a new blog..

anyways, here would still be where i'd still be blogging about my negative thoughts and whines and complaints.. but i guess i'm gg to have the new blog a lil more upbeat and more current cos im thinking of having it be a lil more public than my old ones..

thanks for staying with me through my turbulent periods, listening to me complain about every single thing and basically being with me when im down.

i love u all! <3