the sad lil me

sometimes i tend to be rather negative
and to be honest, i try really hard everyday to think positively
and it shows, so much so that people often think im this 24/7 bubbly, always happy, forever smiling/laughing/joking character..
ok most of the time, i am that happy go lucky character. hah

but life does get me down at times.
and despite me being happy most of the time,
sometimes all i want to do is curl up in my bed and cry.
that's the me which no1 sees. =/

what's bothering me this time around
this past month ever since it's started,
i have been feeling that my current r/s feels forced
he's not happy
im not happy
we both feel that there's something lacking
which is basically love and even then, lust as well.

i know he's with me for practical reasons
he's probably scared of losing a confidante
how do i tell him that he doesn't have to fear that?
i'd rather be his best friend than to be stuck in a loveless partnership
it's really goddamn tiring

and its draining me physically and mentally.
i don't really know about the physical part all that much but all i want to do is sleep or stay in bed
but then he'll nag at me
saying that i shld go to the gym instead of bumming at home

i hate people nagging at me.
there are so many things about him that i don't like
and i've yet to breathe a word about them
but he's started nagging at me already.

it's not working