facing death in the face

so my oldest auntie passed away yesterday evening
it was however, expected for the past few weeks or u can say years since she was diagnosed with cancer about 1-2 years back

anyways just a couple of hours before she passed away, i went to visit her and tried to pay my respects
but it was difficult
it was extremely emotional

the moment i laid my eyes on her lying in bed
my tears just started streaming down my face
it was shocking
i was totally stunned
i was speechless

i tried and attempted just to say her name, but all i could manage was an open mouth imitating vowel-like actions.
and all this time, my tears were streaming down my face endlessly

i could feel her pain
the way she had to struggle just to breathe
(in an almost morbid thought, i finally understood the meaning of "laboured breathing")

and the way her eyes couldn't manage to open, to look at me
i could see tears glistening admidst her eyelids
and i cried even more

i've never seen someone on their deathbed before
its totally different from seeing a corpse in a coffin at a funeral
this will definitely hit u
and it'll hit u hard
life is indeed so fragile

so please, my friends, treasure ur life as it is
u'll never know when death strikes

-----------------------------------------------------

my dear dua-yi
i hope you're at peace now
your life has been difficult with hardship
but i believe u were always happy with what you had
i love u and i miss u already
R.I.P :'(

---------------------------------------------------

he tucked me into bed last night
brushed my hair tenderly
and stroked my cheek
then he snuck peeks at me while i slept as he played dragon age
after which, he hugged me to sleep
i think i <3 him
:D

i had an odd christmas this year.
we got into a car accident
but surprisingly, am still happy
and the christmas turned out pretty well
i think its mainly cos of him
:)

but the bad thing is his sisters don't seem to like me
am i too sensitive?
but i am usually always correct in my judgment of people and their behaviors towards me
but in this case, i guess
maybe i'll wait for a concrete response to make my judgment of them.
anyways they aren't exactly the nicest people i've met either.

wtf is my problem?

im starting to dislike him
i don't know if its my period talking or whether im honestly losing interest
or the fact that his criticisms, negativity, complaints are pulling me down
he actually brought a whole new level to the words "whining/complainer/negativity" to my books.

last night, he complained that im ditzy at times - that i live in my own world
and that i shld be more practical and be a realist
actually i don't deny that and i didn't
though i am realistic at times, i actually prefer looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses.
but u know if i think practical thoughts, i wouldn't be in the "we're together,we're not together" situation with him now, would i?

and if that wasn't enough, he complained more about my attitude and even my physical fitness. i ask u, would u even take that lying down? of cos i defended myself!!! then he complained that we always bicker and that he never had any arguments with his ex-gfs.

LIKE HELL I WOULD ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT. for some1 who complains nonstop to me about every single thing, his friends, his job and even about his life. he quarrels with his mum, his sis and even "broke up" with his longtime friends within this year. how would i believe he'd never quarrel with his ex-gfs? were they fucking morons who never said a word/never defended themselves/never had an opinion?

SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD POINT OUT HIS FUCKING FAULTS AND NOT QUARREL

i wish i was already living in my own home with my husband and have my baby suckling at my tits. (i know it sounds crude but bear with me) instead of having a fucked up non-relationship where things are gg nowhere and no1 is happy.

half of me really wants to find some1 else
at this point in time, maybe more than half
=/
~hating him~

AND U KNOW THE BEST THING? I COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM IN MY BLOG BUT I DON'T FUCKING SAY A WORD ABOUT HIS FAULTS TO HIM (just so we don't argue). AND HE CAN COMPLAIN THAT I DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM (READ: HE CALLS THIS MOTIVATION AND PUSHING HIM TO BE BETTER) then FINE, i nag him and then he says HE KNOWS, AND THAT I DON'T NEED TO SAY ANYMORE!

then he ends off with a "i don't like people to nag at me but i appreciate it"

so he basically picks a fight with me, obviously i defend myself.

and i fight back

then he says he doesn't like to fight (WTF, LIKE I DO?)

then he complains i don't PUSH him

(i honestly think he's expecting me to pick a fight with him but im not gg to do that)

SO we end up fighting about not fighting

and we finish it with a let's not fight anymore/let's not do this anymore

CAN YOU SAY THESE WORDS WITH ME NOW,

WTF!!!

UPDATE (5 min later): u see, this is why i love my blog. cos i just jot down all my negative emotions and i feel so much better. :) i don't hate him now. its like wth right? but yeah, that's me. i feel more positive after blogging. *sigh* i dread meeting him nowadays..

my sunday ups and downs

on sunday, my heart gave a little leap when he looked deep into my eyes and said, "you are mine. you are my property and you know, i take very good care of my property." it was like a dream... a promise made for the future that i was going to be his; heart and soul.

i am feeling slightly delirious at the thought of my future. LOL

though im still not attached and we still haven't found our footing in this world. the initial arguments have stopped and everything's beginning to be so fine and dandy. in fact, im feeling real positive about this dating partner. hehs..

-----------------------------------------------------------

that same day, i lost my handphone.
i guess it's God's way of telling me that the world has to have a balance.
that on the same day, i felt the door of happiness open
i needed to know that i had to keep my feet on the ground
by feeling annoyance at myself for leaving my handphone in the cab.
f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck F*CK!!!

or maybe, God is telling me I can delete my phonelist, that lil black book, now that i've got the people i care about in my life and their numbers have long been burnt into my brain. :D

*** need money for new phone. =(((

-----------------------------------------------------------

been staying at shee's place.
i cooked curry chicken last night.
was a rushed job cos i was running late for groceries
was too hungry to care whether the potatoes were soft enough. (they were)
it was a good curry to me (sweet and nice, though it could be spicier and thicker)
though shee didn't like it. =/
i guess we have different tastes. =\

so anyways, was looking through my blogs and realised i only blog about my feelings.

well, its an online diary right? and not many people know about the site anyways.
plus im not some bigshot blogger who does advertorials, have many readers, or am always looking for money-making deals.
nor am i the informative type. to link articles which i find interesting, or debate about pointless stuff/political stuff/random articles... (though i do link them on fb)

and if u look at my blog closely, i don't blog about my everyday to day stuff though its quite interesting at times and dramatic. *oh the drama mamas in my life*

i blog about my feelings cos i don't get them across to pple often. my daddy always said im a bottler. i bottle up all my emotions and no1 ever knows until i spill. even then they don't know about these emotions cos they don't know about this blog.

well, i spilt some last night. its been an ongoing thing anyways. always spilling with him. always bickering about why he doesn't like me... im tired.

mr j sent me a bouquet of roses again. and i kept wondering why he never did anything for me, like send me presents or what nots. nothing romantic-like.. (though i liked when he sent me desserts for a period of time but i didn't really like it like it cos i felt i was putting on weight from it!! i also liked when he cooked me a special dinner for my bday, wagyu steak/codfish/salad, but he kept complaining about the food which i didn't like cos it felt like he was more experimenting on the food rather than cooking it specially for my bday)

tbh, i don't think im hard to please nowadays. i really dont think i am with this guy. with the others, it used to be very different.. in fact, i think i've grown up quite a bit regarding r/s.

so back to the story, i spilt. i was in a really bad mood till he got pissed himself. well u know what, things would have gotten alot better during the night if he

1) would just shut up about his ex-gfs
2) stopped telling me stories about the sweet romantic stuff he used to do for his ex-gfs
3) didn't tell me he "informed" his ex-gf about the meteor shower cos "she loves stargazing" and he didnt tell me about it and totally forgot i liked stargazing as well.

so i argued with him.

he says he doesn't do such stuff for me bcos he aint wooing me. he says he didn't even want to get into a r/s this year. he says he's still hung over his bitch of an ex-gf (i really think they fucking belong together. fucked up selfish and egomaniacal pple).he says he doesnt think we would work out anyways.

so we aint talking now.

life's a fucking bitch

FML

might take some fucking sleeping pills tonight. if i have some. all i have is a bottle of weak weak really weak sleeping pills. oh wells, if i die due to an overdose, u know what happened.

love,
shar

wishful thinking

somehow i wish what happened yesterday was just a dream
a very bad dream
all i needed to hear was a little bit of reassurance

instead he just confirmed my doubts and told me what i was dreading to hear
that he was just afraid to lose me all along
that he didn't have much feelings for me at all when he asked me to be his gf
(that he asked me because he knew that if i did get a bf who wasn't him, he'll basically be expendable and he would fall off my list of priorities)
(although he says now that his feelings did develop when we were together)

------------------------------------------------------

it didn't hurt as much i thought it would
maybe cos i still had a defensive barrier these past few weeks we were together
he also said we bicker too much
but you know what i think, we wouldn't bicker at all if i was happy
and all i needed to be happy was if i could feel something coming from him.
so simplistic in theory yet so hard to achieve

------------------------------------------------------

im a lil disgusted by the response triggered at the simple thought of me being single
pack of wolves howling with laughter at my door

------------------------------------------------------

despite all this, i still want to be with him =(

the sad lil me

sometimes i tend to be rather negative
and to be honest, i try really hard everyday to think positively
and it shows, so much so that people often think im this 24/7 bubbly, always happy, forever smiling/laughing/joking character..
ok most of the time, i am that happy go lucky character. hah

but life does get me down at times.
and despite me being happy most of the time,
sometimes all i want to do is curl up in my bed and cry.
that's the me which no1 sees. =/

what's bothering me this time around
this past month ever since it's started,
i have been feeling that my current r/s feels forced
he's not happy
im not happy
we both feel that there's something lacking
which is basically love and even then, lust as well.

i know he's with me for practical reasons
he's probably scared of losing a confidante
how do i tell him that he doesn't have to fear that?
i'd rather be his best friend than to be stuck in a loveless partnership
it's really goddamn tiring

and its draining me physically and mentally.
i don't really know about the physical part all that much but all i want to do is sleep or stay in bed
but then he'll nag at me
saying that i shld go to the gym instead of bumming at home

i hate people nagging at me.
there are so many things about him that i don't like
and i've yet to breathe a word about them
but he's started nagging at me already.

it's not working

the start of something new

I still rem how jus and i used to plan and map our relationship out..

7/7/07 - we got attached
8/8/08 - we were meant to get engaged
9/9/09 - we would be married on this day

HAH. 8/8/08 went by with nothing at all, in fact he even picked a fight with me on that day. that month, he clubbed without me and studied for exams while i worked and worried for him. =/ *sigh* in september, he broke up with me via SMS (how tasteless and original)

well, all that is over now.. enough reminiscing. LMAO

----------------------------------------------------------

AND moving on to the good news..

10/10/09 - the start of something new

ok, so it isn't such a perfect date as the ones above but i guess i'm pretty happy with what i have now.

he isn't perfect and in fact, he isn't what i thought i'll end up falling for but reality bites, u know? u fall for pple whom u tink and u were pretty sure u'll nva fall for. jaz and shee doesn't have a good impression of him and actually me too.. LOL! he always complains i think of him as a player and i absolutely agree. (just saw photos of him kissing other girls the weekend just before we got "attached", made me lose my appetite though he had a valid reason)

so anyways, it isn't official yet and we're still testing waters. in fact, i am still somehow hesitant to let him into my life. i'm so very afraid. T.T the fear of stepping into the known abyss again is terrifying me. and certain doubts about him always surface and cloud my mind.

mr b reminded me that i'll only meet the guy i'll marry 2 years later. i felt relieved mr b reminded me of my tarot card reading. because you know what, i don't think the guy im with now actually feels anything for me. =( and i think im quite sensitive to the emotions of others, despite him saying he cares for me.

i don't feel it.

Dear God, reveal thy ways for my path. Amen.

~u'll always be a part of me~

i met ewok last night =)
haha. i don't really know what to say here.
except maybe to dedicate this song to u (its been playing in my head ever since i woke up)



i won't deny i still love u. i don't ever think love ever goes away (in my case), it just gets blurred over time. haha.. and u really meant the world to me at that time.. im such a sucker for love.. v loserish huh? n in a way, i think we got the best and worst out of each other, which is probably why it was the best time of our lives and also the scariest ever, period.

i don't know if its just the memories and the remnants of a feeling so strong that keeps us wanting for more. but ur right, we hafta move on. =D and i wish u all d best with the girl ur seeing now, after all, i know its hard for u to actually find some1 u'll be interested in. hahahaha..

we'll always be a part of each other. and being friends, we'll never have to "leave" each other ever again.. let's just keep what we had, a memory which we'll never ever lose.. God bless u, my dearest one. =D love u always~

hahaha.. im linking our song.. =P

090909

today was meant to be a special day

hahahahaha

wasn't that special after all..

although i was kind of hoping maybe i can start a new relationship by today

it would definitely make a good start. =D

oh wells, nevermind

but there's no denying that 9 is a special number

after all, which number can be multiplied and then that sum added together to form the original number again.

for example, 9x2 = 18, 1+8 =9

9x6 = 54, 5+4 =9

9x15 = 135, 1+3+5 =9

9x639= 5751, also forms 9.. and the list goes on etc..

haha.. random grade school trivia for you~ ;)

eeks

FREAKY!!!

a random stranger called out my name while i was travelling home today

and he definitely knows me

but i don't know him

SCARY!!!

--------------------------------------

he paid me for the christian audigier hoodie

which was delivered to my house today

cos he said it was too expensive a present for me to give him

which is true cos there's nothing between us

but now i've got to find another birthday present for him

ahh damn, and i thought i didn't need to shop for his present

cos the hoodie was something he wants

zzz..

.i hate shopping.

tears on my pillow

i've been sick recently and i'm not getting better.
my temperature's been holding steady at 37.3 degrees for the past week
and my throat feels like it's being scraped with sandpaper everytime i try to swallow.
i get irritated easily and have no mood to do anything
i wonder what's wrong

i think i'll see the doc for some medication later on

-------------------------------------------------------

a couple of stuff which really annoyed me yesterday
- a person who complains alot (to me), complained that i was complaining about a meal.

n i was like WTF because i wasn't complaining.. >.<

- i've been having difficulty getting to sleep recently. and when i finally did, a mere 1 min later, my dad WOKE me up by asking me to sleep in the other room. i was pissed. that 1 min of "rest" gave me a huge headache.

i couldn't get to sleep till an hour later. =(

-----------------------------------------

this morning i was washing up and i was wondering why my face was sticky.
i gave no further thought to it till i came to work
sheena immediately asked whether i cried last night or couldn't get to sleep.
apparently my eyes are puffier than normal and my eyebags were huge.
thinking back, i think i must have been crying in my sleep again.

i wonder why

what in the hell is actually bothering me?

Sou|reaver says:
u r one hell of a charbo la
should be easy to get guys
but i dun wanna just any1 to cling onto u
lol

the above was written by my bro from mauritius.
made me cry bcos honestly im feeling v v extremely lonely these days
its so bloody frustrating

Sh@r says:
ur nt the only one who says that
lol
but im really tired
i need some1 to rescue me

-------------------------------------------------

i told him how i felt
basically told a person who i dun like,
that i dun like how things are gg
and that i dun like the feelings (read: loneliness) that he evokes in me
im gg crazy.
i think im starting to hate him!

ex loves

and so i was online last night. (in facebook/msn/skype)

met a rather awkward guy on speed-date. apparently he just tried it out just yesterday (cos u can see wad date they joined) and was still getting used to it.. he's 26, works at a financial institution in orchard in a managerial post... hmmm.. not bad not bad.. his profile pic even looks a lil eurasian although he had a military haircut. LMAO!

negative thought: our conversation was quite stilted! =/ but can be worked on. LOL!

we exchanged msn contacts and he did ask for my hp but i didn't give it out.. =D hahahaha..

-----------------------------------------------

NOW FOR THE MORE IMPORTANT NEWS UPDATE!!

out of the blue, ewok popped up in a msn window.. so we started chatting and as i've been in a rather emo mood lately, i decided to ask him to webcam with me!! im thinking i haven't seen him in a long while, around 2+ years now from last we met.. and then he decides to shock me by saying, "instead of doing that, let's go for teh instead"!! and this was at like 12.30 a.m. on a monday night.

but i was exhausted from work. =/ so i declined. but secretly im excited!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~

so instead of going out, we spent an hour talking on the phone, updating each other on our current gg-ons.. it's so nice to hear his voice again.. however, half of me is is scared of seeing him but the other half really wants to meet him. =/ how how how?

*** he told me "get back together with him la! love is really hard to find!!"
and my face just went -____________________________________-"
i don't know why, but i found that comment rather nasty. doesn't it sound like he's trying to get my hopes up since i'm so excited about meeting my 1st love? ***

positive thought: wouldn't it be great if i finally find true love with my 1st love? and it'll be a fairytale love story spanning a total of 10 years (we've now reached 8 years LOL) we've tried to make it twice, can i be third time lucky?

negative thought: what if d love was really truly gone? and there's no such thing as a fairytale ending? or true love? what if he doesn't love me anymore and it's just wishful thinking on my part?

all i have are my memories of him now. will that be all that's left of him in my life? after all, he'll be moving to aust for good.

-----------------------------------------------

on another note, it's so weird how espen refuses to see me. =/ hmm~ i think he's still angry with me (though he always comments on my fb) but honestly speaking, i miss him.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~

-----------------------------------------------

why does it seem as though a relationship without love will work better than one with love? it certainly feels this way to me.

boyfriend on my mind

lately i've been sending flowers to people (even to some1 who is in faraway canada) till i got the urge to want to receive flowers myself. so how? hmm.. sigh..

its so pathetic to ask pple to send me flowers la.. hahahaha.. won't do that.. >.<

--------------------------------------------------------

he calls/meets/dapaos lunch for/calls me out for dinner/or just plain calls me to chat almost everyday now.

and yet, we still haf no feelings for each other. (i do however have a soft spot which ultimately ensures that i never say no to him.. >.<)

however, everytime i leave him after a meal/a movie/a short meet/a chat, i feel lonelier and more wretched than ever.

today he called me out for coffee and during that 30 min, i urged him to get a gf and he replied, he wasn't interested in any1 at all and that he doesnt see himself getting attached this year.

oddly, i felt irritated. i wonder if he gets the same feeling when i tell him im not interested in him or in any1 else.

------------------------------------------------------

i kept thinking of getting a bf all day today

suddenly, mr b's offer seems rather attractive to me. LMAO

then i thought of speed-date, a facebook application which seemed quite interesting a long time ago and that i was "asked" to remove cos some1 (a rich guy who drives a gorgeous over-modified fairlady), insisted i remove it immediately because he didn't want me to meet other guys on it. LOL! and i did!

but think i shall play with it again tonight. might cure the boredom for now. ^^

im sure it'll be an interesting topic to blog about! hahaha..

kk, ciao pple.. i m leaving my office now.. zzz

26 bdays

this week, we celebrated our bdays..

shee, jaz and i did something unusual this year,
we originally wanted to do a macd bday party but that idea got thrown out by jaz (who prob tot it wasn't special or fun) haha
so we planned for a picnic at the botanical gardens =D
so way early in the morning, we gathered wad we liked to eat/drink
jaz picked us up and we made our way to the venue
surprisingly there were not as many pple as i expected to see there cos i heard its v crowded on wkends
but an overwhelming number of the pinickers that day were filipina maids
not that we have anything against them, but they were nt expected
it was hot, it was humid, we were complaining about the heat
but it was still honestly, very fun! lots of laughter, "sweat" and walking
and elfie was obedient in a rascally sense.. d pics are up in facebook.. =D

and that was just part 1 of the bday celebrations. we prob did alot of memorable stuff this year
so i hope the girls rem this year
i do wish sheen all the best for her move to canada
am sooooo gonna miss her soooo goddamn much.. *sighs*

--------------------------------------------------

a couple more new guys on the scene..

mr j, who stargazed with me at my place
offered me an all-expense paid trip to osaka, japan (which i turned down)
he's also celebrating his 30th birthday with a function at goodwood park hotel
there's going to be my fave peking duck. =D *yums*

mr b, LOL, an old friend
gave me a laptop (hp mini)
now we have 6 laptops at home.. hahahahahaha
offered to bring me shopping for a new designer bag for my bday which is in nov
asked me if i should try being his gf. tryout for 2mths and see if we can click.. LMAO!!!
also offered me free trips if i was to be his gf.
LOL!!!

<3 volvo c70 <3

he's been down lately.

i don't know if its bcos i've been v curt with him lately to the point that he told me straight that he didnt want to speak to me

or the fact that during this period, alot of guys are vying for my attention so i don't give him enough of my time

or the fact that his ex didn't bother replying his text.

over lunch today, he hinted at whether we shld be together

my immediate response was no.

which seemed to hurt him a lil though he's nt interested in me

i don't want to be his replacement for his ex.

if he likes me, i'd rather he likes me for me.

and not just look to me for comfort.

>.<

however, i am starting to have a lil teeny weeny bit of feeling for him.

NOT GONNA TELL HIM THOUGH

---------------------------------------------------------------------

sat mr a's newest car today

volvo c70

gorgeous

im in love!!!

mr a. kept joking that he's after me

somehow i can't tell if its a joke or not

~he seems sincere~

but he annoys the hell outta me.

i hate that u always make me laugh!!!

why won't he release me?

he likes music

he likes to dance

he is extremely vain

he loves being in the centre of attention

he's been hurt before and is still hurting

he confides in me about anything and everything

he isn't the romantic type (unless its a girl he really likes)

he likes to kiss and hug and loves to cuddle

he likes to confuse me

BUT he says he doesn't like me

i don't like him either

so its really strange when i ask myself, why do i feel sad?

-------------------------------------------------------------

update: he just called me.. again.. lol.

i tink im feeling too lonely. damn.

lololol. i bought him a christian audigier hoodie. =X

last tot: shld i start modelling again?

secrets

i've been getting restless.

increasingly disatisfied with my life

when i get lonely, spend my time with companions

when i don't feel like being home, i spend my time at work

when im bored, i find fun things to do. (impromptu)

a rather boring life i lead huh.

-----------------------------------------------------------

been spending time with a certain someone.

but there's no romantic entanglements involved

it feels nice,

complicated

and fucking confusing.

>.<

--------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------

~a dilemna~

recently, something happened. (hint: an ex's wedding)

not a big thing actually

but considering how people have pointedly tried to keep it from me.

they were probably trying to keep me from getting upset??

but anyhow, i heard about it and fyi, it didn't bother me.

what i do care about, is that my best friends who knew about it didn't want to tell me.

probably out of consideration to my feelings. which i can appreciate and understand

BUT i didn't like hearing about it from a stranger.

so here comes the dilemna, shld i be upset that my best friends tried to keep something "big"

which they knew for a certain period of time,

but however which was in fact a small thing, from me?

or shld i ignore it? cos it doesn't bother me.

------------------------------------------------------------

it doesn't bother me.

=D

though i can't wish them personally, well,

i'd just like to write here that i wish the both of them the best

from the bottom of my heart.

=P

Sunday, May 30, 2004

haha.. check this out.. d post i wrote on d day i first met kenneth.. LOL! in 2004!

Sunday, May 30, 2004

hmm.. woke up 2dae 2 go 2 church..

d weird guy whu's kinda confined in camp currently,

gave me a call while i was in service.. lol.. he's like confined 4 3 charges..

1 is 4 commitin suicide, d 2nd is 4 tryin dangerous stunts on a bike in camp,

n d 3rd is i 4got alreadi..

damn messed up person sia.. feel a little sorry 4 d pathetic fella..

den after church.. hung around wif dad 4 abit..

went 2 d lib 2 borrow some bks 2 while away some of my free time..

at bout 4, scott dropped me a call n

asked if i wanted 2 watch d day after 2moro..

so i said ok.. n hadda wait bout 2 hrs 4 him n his fren 2 meet me..

grrr... longest time i've eva waited 4 some1..

n i actually broke my word on

"no outings wif frenz on sundays except on special occassions"..

hmm.. but im not interested in scott larz..

n he's not interested in me.. haha..

den went 2 eat at sakae sushi n starbucks..

den he dropped us both home n went 2 pick up his mum at d airport..

tink im gettin kinda scared off guys sia..

they're either desperate, or psychos, stalkers or rage/sex maniacs..

d stories scott n kenneth tell.. *shivers*

ah bengs.. hahaha..

maybe

came across this today. certainly struck me as it's something im gg through with atm.

Maybe. .

we were supposed to meet the wrong people

before meeting the right one

so that, when we finally meet the right person,

we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe . . .

it is true that we don't know

what we have until we lose it,

but it is also true that we don't know

what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe . . .

the brightest future will always

be based on a forgotten past;

after all, you can't go on successfully in life

until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe . .

you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet,

enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human,

and enough hope to make you happy.

Maybe . . .

the happiest of people

don't necessarily have the best of everything;

they just make the most of everything

that comes along their way.

Maybe .. . .

the best kind of friend is

the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with,

never say a word, and then walk away feeling

like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe . . .

happiness waits for all

those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched,

and all those who have tried,

for only they can appreciate the importance

of all the people who have touched their lives.

May be . .

you should do something nice

for someone every single day,

even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe . . .

there are moments in life when you miss someone --

a parent, aspouse, a friend, a child --

so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams

and hug them for real,

so that once they are around you appreciate them more.

Maybe

giving someone all your love

with never an assurance that they will love you back.

Don't expect love in return;

just wait for it to grow in their heart;

but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe .. . .

you should dream what you want to dream;

go where you want to go, be what you want to be,

because you have only one life and

one chance to do all the things

you dream of,

and want to do.

a lil tribute to my "emotion-filled bottle"

sighs. been v frustrated lately.

sometimes my emotions get away with myself and to get rid of all these negative feelings, i pour my feelings into this silly lil online diary..

and thank god, i don't take these feelings away with me when i logoff.

cos i'll prob b a v depressed wreck everyday, with a probably v obvious angry aura around me.

.sighs.

hahahaha..

anyways, been wanting to walk barefeet everywhere. think its my attempt at "keeping my feet on solid ground" hahaha.. im weird.. >.<

spent yesterday evening staring at the night sky

the moon's still beautiful even though it's really small and the stars haf been very faint lately.

btw, wanna give my love to u, my lil online bloggy thing. LOL

i really appreciate u. *MUAHX*

The Desiderata Poem

I've been feeling down this past couple of weeks and was wondering what I should do.
But Praise the Good Lord, for he never fails to remind me he's always around to answer my prayers.
He sent my director a message of encouragement, to pass on to me.


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all it's sham drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

-- Max Ehrmann


Hope this will help any of my friends who are in troubled situations themselves. Always remember, he is always there for you as he has always been there for me. <3

life is just so peachy, aint it?

World Gourmet Summit

been having loads of fun these past few weeks. also been v busy with alot of events..

met up with new friends. hung out with old pals.. everything's been tip top fantastic.. hehehehe..

today was also a v interesting day for me..

kenneth brought me to the song of india. it's 1 of the fine dining experiences in conjunction with the world gourmet summit.. we were to sample the food which the royalty had in their respective kingdoms during their time.. and its simply sublime!!!!!!

from the 1st dish to the last, we savoured every bit, swirled the spices around our tongues and swallowed the chewed pieces with a "flourish".. fanfuckingtastic!!! and the service staff were so friendly and treated us like royalty... we even had a royal dancer entertain us with 2 songs!!!

PLUS not to be a showoff or wad, but kenneth and i were the best looking couple there and we were even handpicked to be shown on channel news asia for 1 of their 10 episode programs/series.. crazily fun la!!! every1 was super nice and attentive.. we were easily the most fun table in that establishment. hahaha..

the pics will be put up in my facebook.. call me for more juicy details! wahahahahahaha..

last bit: i fell down at tito's 21st bday party.. wahahaha.. so SUPER embarassing.. it was my "grand" entrance somemore and kenneth was joking about how every1 was looking at me....... BUT u know wad? i dun care. having kenneth around me always makes everything feel natural and easy... so i just shrugged and laughed it off.. LMAO! HILARIOUS!!!!

anyways falling doesn't mean anything, its the getting up that im always good at.. LOL.. remember, in life, u'll fall down alot but its the picking urself up that shows how strong u are! =P

next up for the week is my 3 day opera program and probably also going to have a meal at 1 of the top restaurants in asia!!!! not just singapore, mind u! whahahaha.. whee.. i just lurve my friends! ^^

BIMBO, i like!

ok.. for this post, i gotta give u a lil background..

i've got this friend where we had a lil history when i was about 21 years old. it didn't really develop into anything and was totally an innocent matter that got nipped in the butt really quickly with the arrival of espen (my 2nd love). but anyways, late last year, his "gf" at that time contacted me.

apparently they were having some problems, and she needed to clarify a few matters with me, namely "why didn't i get together with him in the past?" and so i did, i told her i was going off to study. and at that time, he wasn't the only one who was chasing me. in fact, quite a number of people were after me at that point in time.

we spoke on the phone for abit. and i let her vent her frustrations out on me cos i felt she needed an outlet just like i did when i first broke up with ewok, my first love.. after that brief contact, we didn't talk again.. at this point, i must elaborate, she spoke bad of him quite abit and though i was able to take it, i was a lil skeptical. however, i didnt speak to my friend about this cos i felt it wasn't my place to stick my head in, my head might get chopped off you know!!! LOL

anyways, just an hour ago, i was speaking to my friend (it's like our annual chat, a really once in a blue moon chat) and the topic of her naturally came up because even though i m not part of it. nor am i taking sides, i felt that if there was still love in the relationship, you had to work hard to get past the problems and eventually find happiness, but i digress, i was still trying to get them to work things out. but he tells me they've broken up since last year....

suddenly he also tells me something really weird. apparently, she found my old blog. and according to him, also keeps talking about me nonstop...... in fact, he said she confronts him about me v consistently.. btw i really haf no idea why.. LOL.. and to make matters a lil stranger, he told me she called me a bimbo after reading my old blog.. LOLOLOLOLOL... (yeah, she's smart, really, according to marcus, cos he's damn smart too so i feel smart to be linked to these two, man! LOL)

but honestly, i dun really give a shit. so what if you call me a bimbo? ur entitled to ur opinions. plus, i really dun give a rat's ass because i rather not portray myself as some1 real clever but actually fall short. plus, its very relaxing to be known as a bimbo. wahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

why try so hard to look smart? i'd readily admit that im not smart. in fact, my head contains more air than my ass. and i tink i fart quite alot already. LOL. jokes**

so charlene, honestly, take my word for it. though we have the "same" name, and he has had affections for us both in his past. i m not ur rival.

u make my head swell when i tink of how u tracked my old blog down. honestly. thx for the bimbo compliment as well! call me when u haf d time, we'd go do some bimbotic things so as to get u a lil less intense.

o and the 20+ msges u bombard him everyday even though u 2 have broken up? what's with that? that's not the advice i gave u. i told u to work things through. not force urself on him! i feel so sorry for him sia.. u seem a lil psychotic now.. but then again, as i told him, there are always 2 sides to a story. if u needa talk, just gimme a call.. im really a nice person once u get to know me. am blur at times, but u can just put it down to me being an airhead!

but u seem a lil scary to me now. i can just imagine u spouting nonsense about me. >.>
o and btw, marcus didn't lead me on, neither did i. and we definitely did not sleep together. we were only 20 for god's sake IN AN INNOCENT ERA. so stop ur lies and gossip about me at least.. thanks a lot!!!

love
shar aka bimbotic model

ps: i hope u found this new blog too. lemme know k? im too lazy to track urs down if u haf 1. but really, thanks. u just gave my ego a mega boost. ^^

pps: i do hope u dun give marcus such a hard time. he really is a good chap and friend. and though he's really goodlooking, we really don't have anything romantic between us.......

parents are gone! whee.. but doesnt seem like im going to be free since zeh, kor and rach moving in.. zzz.. sigh. and i so wanted to just stay home and play games all day and night.

then there's something that's been puzzling me recently.. why do guys keep asking me to stay single??? LOL.. and it's not just like 1 or 2.. it's quite a few.. so weird.. and btw, they don't know each other....

a couple of examples of d reasons

1. cos he's overseas so i shld stay single till he's back
2. cos he's studying and it's an important period so i can't upset him
3. cos he's single so i shld stay single
4. cos he doesn't know the guy who wants to date me so i shld stay single
5. cos i have to be the bait for guys.. <-- shall not elaborate but its something like being a wingman
6. cos he is too young
7. cos he is not suitable
8. cos he cannot match??
9. cos he doesn't like him.
*blah blah blah*

hilarious la.. anyways, those aren't the reasons why im still single.. =)))

well, gd nitez, everybody. i'm having a headache. zzz

year of the dragon!!! LMAO

see more pwn and owned pictures

some nice songs!!

and then a japanese one.. LOL

CHOPPED MY HAIR!

i sat in the salon from 6pm to 12 midnight yest... am pretty pleased with the result BUT THE PURPLE STREAKS I WANTED totally didnt appear.... at all........ sigh. so upset/happy with the hairstylist....... contradicting??

damn, $290 just flew away~ LOL

now i gotta tink about getting my streaks this sat instead.. am tryin to psycho shirley to pay for me... awwwww, come on, only like cheap cheap wad.. LOL.. im going to tell her that.. now, im debating with myself.. shld i go hot pink?? green?? or purps??? hahaha..

anyways, shirley is blond. like for the 1st time in her life. we all can't seem to get used to it. LOL

going for jerric's fashion show in an hour's time.. ^^ fun!

plastic city

im thinking fake boobs and plastic nose..

all cos bak & boo keep talking about big-breasted girls.. LMAO..

.........................silly buayas/pervs...........................

PLUS, i see fake boobs and plastic noses almost everywhere these days..

like seriously, sg is slowly becoming a plastic republic!! OMG.. LOL

but then again, i've always prided myself on being natural.

HAHA

BTW, u really can tell if one did her/his eyes or nose, but u definitely can't tell about the boobs.. LMAO..

~~so tempting~~

RANTS

despite being a peace-lover, sometimes, i really just hate my colleagues..

this office is a fucking horrid place... sometimes, i don't even know why i stick around

i guess its just complacency.. i guess its cos i like to float. i guess im too lazy to move from a comfortable spot...

zz.. not to mention, i started off badly living a lie in this stupid place.. (i had to lie on several occasions that 1 of the lawyers wasn't my aunt...)

and from then on, it just rolled on and on..

pple get jealous.. pple get upset.. pple start to talk..

sometimes, i don't get why pple can't mind their own business and do their work..

i mean, just do ur work and get it done right.. is it so hard? and some colleagues can get the simplest stuff done wrong? like hello, stupid??

why must gossip and spread rumours all around..

then something new happened this morning~

just cos i used a colleague's fucking computer for like less than 10 min yest.. and all i did was run searches (i even forgot i was running the search cos i wasn't at her comp) and opened a couple of official-looking folders for less than 10 min.. magically, this morn some weird random shit files were on her desktop and all eyes turn to me as if i was looking through her personal stuff..

my boss asked me to check her comp and so i did.. w/e la.. so now they're prob saying stuff about me again.. (or maybe im too sensitive but sometimes, i just know)

anyways, these are pple who will nva b my friends.. NEVER! i dunno why i bother getting upset about my reputation.... i wanna obliterate these wu liao pple from my life!

FOR GOD'S SAKE, i dun even read her blog though she advertises it on her msn nick.. why shld i want to check her comp for fuck?

cradle-snatcher

sometimes, i really don't understand why d people who im interested in, are always born in 1985..

this sucks.

i need to find some1 i can settle down with.

not be with pple who aren't even mature enough!!!

my friend gave me the nick, "cougar tan" sia... LOL

n yes, im tired of playing.

Twilight - ROFL

V-day

this year,

i got my wish

im going to be alone on v-day!

LOL

cancelled d date!

:)

Past and Future

There comes a point in your life when you realize
who matters,
who never did,
who won't anymore...
and who always will.

So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why you didnt want them in your future.

Horoscope

The Bottom Line
Your boss has been a big problem for you lately, but today things are looking up.

In Detail
This could be the day when all of your hard work will finally pay off! If your boss has been a big problem for you lately, you can say goodbye to any tensions quite soon. There have been discussions going on among the big power players -- they've been about you, and they have been favorable. There will be a huge change in the dynamic coming soon, and someone's ego could get a bit bruised. Don't worry, it won't be yours. You will come out of this transition doing quite well for yourself.

long story... will elaborate further soon.

am listening to hello by lionel ritchie in d cab right now.. super emo la.. somemore got martell n beer running in my veins.. lol..

=) m having mixed feelings about alot of things now.. *sigh*

i miss espen.. so badly now~ zzz

The Four (TVB)

hehe.. i seldom follow the dramas i watch to the end..

so it surprises me that im actually at the last episode of this hongkong series!!! HAHAHAHAHA..



i wanna learn how to speak cantonese!!!

recession ups and downs

when pple comment on d way i spend n ask if my family got affected by d recession, i'll go ???.. n say, oh.. not yet, i guess..

i mean, as an example of how the recession isnt affecting my family, im currently sitting in my cousin's gorgeous new 2.68 mil 4 storey house, staring at his 50 inch plasma tv n his new bmw parked behind me.. there's everything in dis house.. jacuzzi n swing on d roof, a beautiful view n at least 8 bathrooms.. LOL..

gawd, n d joke of d day is that they got this house at a discount.. lol.. it was 3.5 mil pre-recession..

so proud of my cousin who's in his early 30s.. ^^ beautiful wife n 3 smart kids.. n now d house of my dreams.. wahahahahaha.. joking.. ^^ it'll b a nightmare to clean.. gawd~

but then again, the recession is hitting singapore.. my friend's dad just got affected by it with a 20% paycut. *sigh*

god, pls bless singapore..

CNY mahjong

i finally learnt how to play mahjong!!!! whee~
d mahjong games played on the computers so do not count cos they always have hints whether to "pong" "chi" "gang" or "hu".. hahahaha.. but it's really fun and kinda easy..
anyways, tried it for the 1st time in my 25 years at jun's place and it was eye-opening!!!
then went home and played more with my family on rach's tiny knee-height play table.. LOL.. and this was on the 1st day.. hahahaha.. i lost $13 on the 1st day (learning) and WON $8 on the 2nd day.. whee!~ not bad huh? hahahaha.. any1 learning too? we can play together!! i'm still trying to get the hang of the rules..

so anyways, it was a mahjong cny for me this year!
and somehow, i think we're going to buy a mahjong table soon cos my mum's been itching to buy 1 eons ago but the family (namely my dad and i) had always objected.. but now that i've succumbed to the addictive pleasure of mj (JOKING.. i don't gamble... >.< ), i suppose if the ladies in the house all try to persuade my dad just before going shopping.. we might get a table soon!! whee!~

hey jaz, do u know how to play mj?? or does shee for that matter? LOL.. we shld play/learn together.. so cool~ we can then be called "ah lians", "aunties" or "tai tais".. -_-" LOL

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i finished d book "eclipse" by stephanie myer in 3 hours.. took longer this time cos i was sleepy.. *yawns*

hahaha.. jaz, why are u taking sooo long just to read the 2nd book?

btw, i felt a tinge of happiness which didnt last when jaz admitted that my sharlene cullen post was quite factual.. THEN, on another thought, upon reflection, i'd like to point out that my prior post where i quoted from the book wasn't in d same context with the sharlene cullen post. =P meaning, it's not in reference to me.. *bleH* so don't think otherwise k? (i'm really happy with what i have going)

am also looking forward to the 2nd movie though honestly, the movie paled in comparison to twilight which in my opinion, pales in comparison to the usual reading material i have. but then again, it is light fun-filled reading.

ok.. i'll end this post here.. got nothing else to write or i'll just be rambling again.. ciao~

The Pig

The Pig is an innocent, sweet and lovable personality.

They can also be quite melancholy and over-sensitive.

The Pig loves the company of others, and adores parties, gossip and chit chat.

They are highly intelligent, but prefer to keep this side of their nature under wraps.

The Pig does not care that much for money, but is one of the zodiac signs that is very lucky.

From Kav

who is also a pig.

-_-"

an excerpt: new moon by stephenie meyer

i read new moon, the sequel of twilight, in just two hours.

i'll like to leave you with an excerpt which really struck me.

LOL

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. rationally, i knew my lungs must still be intact, yet i gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. my heart must have been beating, too, but i couldnt hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. i curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. i scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.

and yet, i found i could survive. i was alert, i felt the pain - the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head - but it was manageable. i could live through it. it didnt feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that i'd grown strong enough to bear it.

-page 118-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RAD and VDAY

i think i have ADD.. haha.. attention deficit disorder..

OR as mei mei says, we both have RAD.. RANDOM ATTENTION DISORDER??

ROFL

------------------------------------------

been booked for v-day a mth early

as is the norm.. lmao

*sigh*

but i feel like i should just spend it with alot of friends?

i don't want to lead people on

might get me hurt in the end.

-as always-

an assistant!!

whee!!! my boss just confirmed that i might be getting an assistant soon!!! though i think d temp will prob cover more of my pregnant colleague's work atm cos she's going on maternity leave.. but anyways, dis temp guy would b staying for 8 mths just so as that the company can work out whether im in actual need for an assistant.. weehee! i don't think i "need" one.. but of course, i "WANT" one la!! hahaha.. after all, jaz has 4 assistants!! hmpt!! showoff! LMAO.. but for the time being, im freaking happie!!!!

ok no, i do think i need one.. haha.. cos my workload has increased from the time i've started 2 years ago till now.. so thankfully, i guess when the new guy comes, it'll time for me to start working on other stuff again.. like defences and affidavits and what-nots.. can learn more of the paralegal thing.. ^^

o wells, at first i tot this year started out badly. yeah, i've been really unlucky and my work was getting on my nerves.. so when this news came in this morning, the thought struck me that this might be a turn for the better. and then, thinking back on the past few days, another colleague of mine started being nice to me so im like ??? o.O wad's happening, u know? hmm.. anyways.. i hope this good luck lasts..

let's pray!

it makes it 1 year

i swear, my parents get on my fucking nerves so much, i can just explode!!!!!!!

my dad's on leave this entire week

and they're both combining their powers against me!

bcos if they don't, they'll b at EACH OTHER'S THROATS.

i want to move out!

!!!!RAWR!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it's 15th January 2009 tomorrow

the dreaded day which makes it a full one year

i hope the stupid bastard remembers

last tot: i don't want to be alone tomorrow!

daddy

my dad's going for an operation tomoro.

operation cataracts

the whole family's been trying to act normal but i know they're all worried including me

though its a supposedly small operation and will be done by a top-notch doc cum professor

we still worry nonetheless

cos we're family, u know

i love u, daddy!

hopefully, everything will come out alright

and he can enjoy his retirement this year

=)

*HUGS & KISSES*

i guess that guy was just acting out of desperation

wad would u do for a $10 red packet??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ewok aka my first love is back

i can sense him

hahahahaha

~just kidding~

but he is back in sg

confirmed!

will update more soon.

live firing

an mp literally got "fired"

an act of terrorism surfaces once again?

or just a random act by a crazy fella?

random old songs i like

almost had a crazy accident.. my dad forgot our audi was auto n e braked in d mid of d road!!!

cancelled on all appts today.. in no mood to smile at all.. zzz

yoohoo. blogging from church.. i realise im quite a loner..

pple often ask me y i appear offline on my msn when im home.. well, its not that im avoiding pple.. its cos when im home, its my private time..

introverted yeah? lol..

i tink im rambling.. zzz.. tired..

random tot - STOP WAR CRIMES~

How to be Ninja - Nigahiga !!!

ryan's so hawt! *grins*

LONER

sometimes i really like being alone. =)

--------------------------------------------------



song link from chippy

don't u wonder who im missing sometimes?

BUT i wonder too.

HAH

random tots

~there's something about me which attracts vs' like crazy~

...

i dunno why

do i look like a f**king trainer to u?

LOL

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

anyways a lil more about my current goingons,

would u risk a 10 year friendship to go onto something a little more complicated?

i've rejected him before when we were 17 and when he was leaving sg

i dun want to do that again. LOL

but just a little more about the person,

currently he's studying overseas and 99% definitely getting pr there. *zzz*

and he's a bloody very decent guy!

~

what is it that attracts me to him?

i tink it's just the thought of having someone i can't have

since he's not gg to be in sg for long and in future.

~

however knowing that, he still wants a relationship with me

BUT, i dun want to get involved in a long distance relationship!

f**k

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

i want to auction off a date with me for valentines!

any bids?

LOL

an egoistical and imaginative post. or basically a hoot!

hi, my name is sharlene cullen. here are some facts about me i think u shld know.



fact 1 - i am a cold one. my blood is icy cold and while growing up, people often remark that i am cold-blooded. i used to be tanned and loved the sun but now i seldom venture out during the day and spend even less time in the sun. and when i do go out in the sun, my skin sparkles like diamonds though it feels smooth like tofu.



fact 2 - my eyes, my smile, my face, my attitude and my body attracts "most" people. it draws guys in like bees to honey. however, i seldom get close to them. in fact, i can count the number of people closest to my heart on 1 hand. n i m only friendly when i choose to be.



fact 3 - my eyes are tawny brown. but i often hide them with coloured lens. weird huh?



fact 4 - i am fast. well, i used to be. HAHA. was in track & field in younger days. i was even a black monkey growing up climbing walls and trees. and i swim like a fish. also, i like to think i am strong. in fact, i can carry guys if i choose to. but i don't like to use my strength cos im more often lazy than not.



fact 5 - i like blood. especially with steak.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



OK, am ending here. LOL. hope i brought a laugh to u guys. i'm having fun pretending to be from the cullen family. shall update with more comparisons tomorrow.



=) N i bet u, the latest fashion fad would be to look pale and sick with dark eyebags. =) yay. i have these characteristics. oh and twilight is ok but i prefer anne rice's books. =P


i finished the 1st book of twilight within hmm.. 3 hrs of reading!!! LOL. so easy............. now, i need the 2nd book.. or shld i wait for the film to come out 1st?

i nva trust men. esp even after ewok

(who had sworn he'll nva cheat cos he was cheated on before)

cheated on me

i nva gave my full trust to esp

n i nva trusted jus that much either

haha.. look where it got me.. =)

both went for thai girls almost immed after we broke up

alas, how coincidental

must be my fate

anyways

have been talking to so many guys this couple of months.

and while they all are pretty interesting and exciting in their own ways,

they also disgust and turn me off..

how can u being attached, flirt with me?

how can u about to get married, flirt with me?

and i've learnt that when one has cheated, he'll definitely cheat again.

it's so goddamn easy

men are such bastards sometimes

BUT then again

im still a hopeless romantic

there are some pretty nice boys around me

i only hope i can settle my frustrations and attitude soon

blast from the past

this morning as i was eating some pineapple tarts, my tastebuds suddenly thought of the f*cking delicious pineapple tarts esp's aunt used to make.. LOL

fast forward a couple of hours later, lo and behold, esp msged me out of the blue.. hehehe. n it was really fun talking to him again.. there was this really nostalgic feeling as we kept talking about the old fun times we used to share..

*sigh*

am pretty scared about meeting him up again.. i wonder wad feelings will b invoked upon seeing him again.. after all, we did share a whole 2 years worth of memories.. haha.. will blog more when i see him.. im supposed to sign him into zouk this sat for avb... =)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

i wanted to write more. but tink i better finish up my work. zzz.

just a last note, sometimes i think im thankful to be single now.. WAHAHAHAHAHAHA~