school of cheating playas

d phrase "school of cheating playas" came back to me today..

oh god, i totally don't feel like explaining. but in order for mr. s to understand me more, i have to.

well, at least this means that he was quite attentive to my friendster profile when i was with j right? lol.. after all, that phrase was only up for like mayb a month.. from july 7th to mid aug.. LOL.. well, bright thing about this is that im happy to know that..

LOL. n u guys know wad, sometimes i really get the feeling either he really reads this blog.. or he reads my mind.. cos everytime i have a conversation with him, some phrase from my blog will pop up and i'll be like "WTF?" lol.. is he reading my mind?

ok. back to today's subject, i admit, i used to be a playa. when im single. when i was hurting. when i went crazy after i broke up with my first love. when i was single before i met my first love. i was in a few relationships at any given time during these periods. .. again i say, clean dating relationships. LOL. just to make that clear. and each guy i was dating, knew i wasn't exclusive. i was with them only cos i liked it. if something turned me off (whether they tried to get serious, get too clingy/naggy, start to lecture), i'd move on. i had guys at my beck and call. n although i know many playas, i always steer clear. as i said, i prefer character in a person.

ok, enough for the explanation. the pple who really know me, know n love me for who i am, so i dun haf to explain. i don't need to explain. nva have.

however, now, it's a different life for me. i'm older, wiser, quiet and more mature. i know wad i want. though im torn between having fun and being serious, i do know wad i want for my future. i'm done with playing. the karma thing is honestly "f*cking" up my mind/life. BUT, a big BUT here, my recently-ended serious relationship has really been taking its toll on me. so i'm going to take my time before plunging in the deep end again.

right now, if ur reading this, there's only 2 men in my life. my dad and elfie. hahaha. kidding. no, it's mr s and mr s.. right.. hahaha. s1 and s2.. =P

s1 - the one who gives me security/makes me smile with his sweet, romantic side.
s2 - the one who loves me for me/keeps me entertained with his crazy stories.

they both make me happy. they both share interests with me though both are vastly different. n i can't choose. it's not time yet.

last tot - i just realised i m immensely attracted to guys with unique names. does this mean i already know who i'm going to choose? god, i dun want to break any more hearts. i cannot drag this too long.

God, give me strength