~playing couple~

wads happening today???!!!!

i suddenly found myself in an open relationship?

LOL.. and with a playboy, no less..

but it seems as though he's serious?

in fact, more serious than i am..

he's planning our future already

he even threatened to kill jerric (he said kill, but im guessing bash)

if there's anything between us..

like wtf?

poor jerric... dun worrie.. i'll protect u! ROFL..

i need to lighten up!

BOO YA..

i am just wondering why my blog is soooo ultra depressive?? LOL..

i need more entertainment!!

anyways, F1 was AWESOME on sat night! and KTV with the guys was HILARIOUS on sunday night! lol..

~love u guys~

~an old friend~

brought to my attention just this morning, a conversation from a long time ago

it was so long ago that i even forgot it

------------------------------------

somehow

i can't believe how cruel i used to be

the careless way i phrase my words

the methods used to break guys hearts

.honestly.

yeah, confirms my suspicions

i'm not that nice a person to be with

d main reason why i hate, well not hate,

but dislike my bf going to clubs is cos of girls like me.

LOL. wad an irony.

then i go and chase away a perfect guy who doesn't club.

that's me. messed-up.

The Bottom Line
You cannot change the past. Today, if you are full of regrets, just look ahead.

In Detail
You cannot change the past, so today if you are full of regrets, you just have to start getting comfortable with them, because there is no going back. The pain of what you did or didn't do will fade with the passage of time, so look ahead. Make some plans with friends for a road trip and give yourself something to look forward to, something to take your mind off of the past. Your patience will get you through this time of life, and your hopefulness with prepare you for better times.

am still struggling. to find my pace. to find myself. to find happiness.

i miss u, mr s. just as i miss j.

(deleted paragraphs)

karma.

current mission on earth: making some1 happy.

last tot: i'm a fool.

last phrase: we all lead different lives in different worlds. a glimpse of heaven and a glimpse of hell is enough to make me happy on plain ole earth.

o god, i hate myself.

i'm really sorry.

i don't know when u'll read this, but as much as i'd like to reply your texts, i can't.

you're better off without me. really.

when this blows over, i hope we can stay as friends. *hugs*

thank you so much for everything. i meant it when i said i love u for being u.

ur a wonderful person. the girl who'll be with u will be a very lucky girl. =)

i hurt somebody today. i'm sorry. it's me. i think too much. it's better this way. lesser trouble. honestly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

now i find myself dedicating this song to j. sighs.

"Too Serious Too Soon" Gareth Gates

I wonder where you were
I wonder what your thinking of tonight
I wonder
Maybe you're alone
Maybe you've been crying just like me
I wonder
I don't know why I lost your touch
Maybe I wanted to be loved too much

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me

It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon

I told you every day
I told you every night in every way
I love you

Maybe you got scared
Maybe I have nothing else to say
But I love you
So baby now my life's a mess
Cause I
couldn't love you any less

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me

It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon

Too soon
It's not right
It's not fair
Missing you baby cuts like a knife
what if you were the love of my life

Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me

we got too serious to soon
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
too serious too soon
I wanted you too love me

It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon

ZOMBIE

met up with eunice yest! lol.. STEAMBOAT KAKI! whee~

highlights of the night

- we ate too much
- velvet membership
- bumped into gwendolyn
- choice of poison: tiger beer, whisky, bourbon, vodka, lambo (jugs)
- hate the zouk/phuture/velvet division
- mambo still as fun. updated music lists. hahaha. =X
- velvet my fave chill place.
- zouk's bouncers all getting younger and they all look like clones.

*HUNGOVER*

~in need of extra cash~ zzz

yesterday's bible reading :

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”- Romans 5:3-4

this next passage is a psalm to which some1 i know keeps near to his heart :

Psalm 27
Of David.

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.
4One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.
7Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, Seek his face! Your face, LORD, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Saviour.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.
12 Do not hand me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence.
13I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD

god bless him. keep him safe and strong. amen

school of cheating playas

d phrase "school of cheating playas" came back to me today..

oh god, i totally don't feel like explaining. but in order for mr. s to understand me more, i have to.

well, at least this means that he was quite attentive to my friendster profile when i was with j right? lol.. after all, that phrase was only up for like mayb a month.. from july 7th to mid aug.. LOL.. well, bright thing about this is that im happy to know that..

LOL. n u guys know wad, sometimes i really get the feeling either he really reads this blog.. or he reads my mind.. cos everytime i have a conversation with him, some phrase from my blog will pop up and i'll be like "WTF?" lol.. is he reading my mind?

ok. back to today's subject, i admit, i used to be a playa. when im single. when i was hurting. when i went crazy after i broke up with my first love. when i was single before i met my first love. i was in a few relationships at any given time during these periods. .. again i say, clean dating relationships. LOL. just to make that clear. and each guy i was dating, knew i wasn't exclusive. i was with them only cos i liked it. if something turned me off (whether they tried to get serious, get too clingy/naggy, start to lecture), i'd move on. i had guys at my beck and call. n although i know many playas, i always steer clear. as i said, i prefer character in a person.

ok, enough for the explanation. the pple who really know me, know n love me for who i am, so i dun haf to explain. i don't need to explain. nva have.

however, now, it's a different life for me. i'm older, wiser, quiet and more mature. i know wad i want. though im torn between having fun and being serious, i do know wad i want for my future. i'm done with playing. the karma thing is honestly "f*cking" up my mind/life. BUT, a big BUT here, my recently-ended serious relationship has really been taking its toll on me. so i'm going to take my time before plunging in the deep end again.

right now, if ur reading this, there's only 2 men in my life. my dad and elfie. hahaha. kidding. no, it's mr s and mr s.. right.. hahaha. s1 and s2.. =P

s1 - the one who gives me security/makes me smile with his sweet, romantic side.
s2 - the one who loves me for me/keeps me entertained with his crazy stories.

they both make me happy. they both share interests with me though both are vastly different. n i can't choose. it's not time yet.

last tot - i just realised i m immensely attracted to guys with unique names. does this mean i already know who i'm going to choose? god, i dun want to break any more hearts. i cannot drag this too long.

God, give me strength

The Bottom Line
Open your heart and let someone else make the decisions for now. Let go.

In Detail
Your expectations are growing too lofty right now -- you are aiming so high that you are bound to be disappointed when reality hits. You need to scale back your ambitions and believe that everything is happening the way it needs to happen, in the best time frame. Getting comfortable with having less control over where your life is going right now is easier than you think. All you need to do is open your heart and let someone else make the decisions for now.

horoscopes tend to influence the lives of pple once u read it. subconsciously, u'll tend to seek the advice within your chosen daily chores.. anyways, yeah.. so if i take this context further, the answer to my previous post would mean that the guys would decide for me. i'll try to let go.

heh heh. my heart is ready. =P

jaz, call me after u read this after-lunch entertainment blog.. >.<

left or right? right or wrong?

am at a fork in the road once again.

at each end of the path, stands a guy. each with different ideals, each with different habits, each with a good and bad boy side to them. each comes with their own fair share of future pain for me.

but their hearts are good. their intentions are good.

which shld i choose? where shall i go? will it be fair to these guys cos i come with my own heavy heart.

When I grow up

LOL

gosh. it's been a freaking long time since i rejected somebody directly.

i mean, usually the guys all back off when i get into a relationship so it's like weird, when i reject even when i'm not even in a relationship.

but this guy has been really too much. sigh. so i did it. rejected him like 5 min ago.

also, i found myself dialling esp's number today. but didn't get on with the call. sigh. i feel like i shld make it up to him somehow for treating him the way i did when i broke it off with him. it was ultra super cruel at that time and i cannot forgive myself. yeah, karma. sigh. but it's good for him that i don't call right? i mean. ya. i shld just leave pple alone with their happy lives. haha.

so well, i had a disturbing dream this morning. i dreamt j came running back to me and i tell u, it's impossible to describe the joy i felt even in my alcohol-fuelled sleep..

but that's just a dream. it's already impossible between us.

i had way too much fun yest. stumbled home at about 6am this morning. amazingly sober after drinking way too much.. martinis, chivas, martell, lambo.. shall not describe the places i visited.. my verdict: fun n crazy.

ok, after reading that paragraph, my parents are frowning. LOL

anyways, i got tix to the F1!! whee.. so happy.. haha. =) after hunting for ways to watch it for so long, it finally just dropped right into my lap! YAY

my august bills are here. damn. overspent. way too much. sometimes i wish i got a sugar daddy. haha. but no, my dad's too strict. which is good. sigh.
reminder to u guys: i pay my own bills. in fact, it's amazing how i manage my finances. -_-"

my resolutions today:
to start rejecting people whom i don't like
try to start a healthy relationship with some1 i like
to have healthy fun

last tots: my phone is off due to lack of battery. zzz. i'm thinking of karma. zzz. i am avoiding some1. zzz. damnit. god, give me strength.

the clouds have lifted

am wondering what the hell is wrong with the guys in singapore now.

there're no more good guys.. all they want is fun fun fun.. u cannot believe how many guys have queried me for 1 night stands. it's utterly disgusting.. and no, i'll never be able to do that.. that's just wrong.. this makes me sad for singapore's future, man.. gosh.

granted, im only putting myself out on the dating scene so that i can get over my grief. but it's good clean fun.. i learn about people's life experiences, absorb new life ideals, check out good makan/chill-out places and even maybe try out new activities (such as fishing, which i may do soon, i guess) so yeah, =) basically only trying to make myself happy.. and it's all safe.. these are pple whom i've at least known for years.. but just nva given enough time to know them properly..

but just last night, at least 2 pple have questioned what the hell im doing. cos they're worried about my flighty behaviour n the outlook i present to others.. they believe strongly in karma and that they're worried for my next relationship since i always seem to attract malicious gossip my whole life.. i really dunno why.. my entire life has been a drama.. i tell u, i can write a book regarding my experiences and it MIGHT be a bestseller.. hahahaha.. but yeah, i know they care for me. and i really appreciate it. thank you!

explanation: so its like, some1 remarked last week that i used to date 5 guys at a time.. well, that's true, i dun deny that.. in fact i dunno if it was 5 guys or mayb more.. depends on the period of time.. but at this point, i need to reiterate.. it was good clean dating (going out etc) and we all were happy in a non-exclusive relationship.. in fact, i may be doing that again soon.. cos i still havent really found anybody interesting enough to capture my interest.. n as i said, im not into temporary relationships..

but it's going to b hard.. not hard to find guys.. but hard to find guys who i'll be interested in.. im not into looks as my true friends know.. and character is basically wad singaporean guys are losing at the moment.. haha.. maybe i really do need to start afresh in another country as sheena says.. haha..

however, i am at least lucky to find at least one anchor to keep me sane.. to mr s. whom shirley, susan, sheena and even my mom has met.. (jaz, u didnt want to meet him cos u dun wanna create a bad impression.. =P) yeah, i know i said im not interested in him at the moment but haha. ok.. u know thats wad i always say about the guys i'll eventually be with.. dunno la.. i really dunno wad the future brings for me.. but at the moment, it looks really bright.. =)

to u : "ur the reason im smiling again. thank you. and if ur reading this which i dunno, yes. i do care for u enough to look forward to the future. *MUAHX*"

peekaboo! lol. decided it would be too mafan to let my peeps know my new blog address..

so i might as well move a new blog into my old address.. =X

.owells.

cheerios. wish all a happy weekend cos i know mine will be crazy! lol. X.X

leave u guys with a couple tags.. ^^

Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind

(my new motto)

Women would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think

(this one is for hmm.. for fun. =P)

i'm thinking my last blog was known to too many.

sigh. in fact, the person whom i'm currently may be seeing, seems to be echoing certain words from the blog.

im really not sure if it is all too coincidental or is he hinting that he knows about that blog.

weird.

anyways, i am wavering again. pondering about y dun i just have some fun 1st. and not get into another relationship so fast.

sigh. ya. i tink i need more time.

Over You - Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done,

I can't believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me down,

Like an old abandoned house.

What you said when you left

Just left me cold and out of breath.

I fell too far, was in way too deep.

Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.

I guess it's really over.

I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.

I'm spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,

I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,

Dragged the memories down the hall,

Packed your bags and walked away.

There was nothing I could say.

And when you slammed the front door shut,

A lot of others opened up,

So did my eyes so I could see

That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.

I guess it's really over.

I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.

I'm spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.

I should've started running

A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.

I guess it's really over.

I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.

I'm spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together.

Well I'm putting my heart back together,

'Cause I got over you.

Well I got over you.

I got over you.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,

I got over you.