ex loves

and so i was online last night. (in facebook/msn/skype)

met a rather awkward guy on speed-date. apparently he just tried it out just yesterday (cos u can see wad date they joined) and was still getting used to it.. he's 26, works at a financial institution in orchard in a managerial post... hmmm.. not bad not bad.. his profile pic even looks a lil eurasian although he had a military haircut. LMAO!

negative thought: our conversation was quite stilted! =/ but can be worked on. LOL!

we exchanged msn contacts and he did ask for my hp but i didn't give it out.. =D hahahaha..

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NOW FOR THE MORE IMPORTANT NEWS UPDATE!!

out of the blue, ewok popped up in a msn window.. so we started chatting and as i've been in a rather emo mood lately, i decided to ask him to webcam with me!! im thinking i haven't seen him in a long while, around 2+ years now from last we met.. and then he decides to shock me by saying, "instead of doing that, let's go for teh instead"!! and this was at like 12.30 a.m. on a monday night.

but i was exhausted from work. =/ so i declined. but secretly im excited!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~

so instead of going out, we spent an hour talking on the phone, updating each other on our current gg-ons.. it's so nice to hear his voice again.. however, half of me is is scared of seeing him but the other half really wants to meet him. =/ how how how?

*** he told me "get back together with him la! love is really hard to find!!"
and my face just went -____________________________________-"
i don't know why, but i found that comment rather nasty. doesn't it sound like he's trying to get my hopes up since i'm so excited about meeting my 1st love? ***

positive thought: wouldn't it be great if i finally find true love with my 1st love? and it'll be a fairytale love story spanning a total of 10 years (we've now reached 8 years LOL) we've tried to make it twice, can i be third time lucky?

negative thought: what if d love was really truly gone? and there's no such thing as a fairytale ending? or true love? what if he doesn't love me anymore and it's just wishful thinking on my part?

all i have are my memories of him now. will that be all that's left of him in my life? after all, he'll be moving to aust for good.

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on another note, it's so weird how espen refuses to see me. =/ hmm~ i think he's still angry with me (though he always comments on my fb) but honestly speaking, i miss him.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~

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why does it seem as though a relationship without love will work better than one with love? it certainly feels this way to me.